A Love Like Theirs
by linked-pinkies
Summary: A collection of one shots featuring Brittany/Santana. Enjoy.
1. A Love Like Theirs

**A/N: This is my first Glee fic. It is a one shot of Quinn's thoughts on Brittana. Quinn knows the school like the back of her hand. The only thing she doesn't understand is the relationship between Brittany and Santana. Her thoughts, understanding and eventual realization on Brittana.  
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Warning: Quinn may be a little OOC.

_Quinn's POV_

As the head cheerleader and Queen of McKinley High you would expect me to understand the way the different people in all the different social groups behaved and lived. It was my job. `What would this school be like if its Queen didn't understand it? It would be a mess. It was my job to keep it how it was supposed to be. And I did understand it that was one of the many reasons I was the Queen. For example, I could look at the Glee Club and stereotype everyone in the groups that they belonged in at this school. I could tell you how each group would respond to different things. I could tell you how anyone from any different group would react to being slushied or what they would do if a football player asked them out (not that anyone in glee club other than us Cheerios would get asked out by the football players.)

There was _one_, just one thing that baffled my mind. Normally I would look over it, not really caring. I didn't need to know every detail about everyone in this school. Especially the nobodies. But this was different. These were my Cherrios. These's were my best friends. The people I should understand most. Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce. If you asked me how to classify them I could do it easily.

Santana was the stereotypical cheerleader. Hot. Every guy in the school would give their right arm for a chance with her. She was fierce. Hot-headed. She wouldn't take crap from anyone. She knew what her place was in the school. She was at the top and she didn't let anyone forget it. And like most cheerleaders she was labelled as a slut.

Brittany was quite the opposite. She was the same hot, desired cheerleader, but she wasn't anything like Santana personality wise. She kind of fit the "Dumb Blonde" label. She was not what you'd call a straight A student...probably not even a straight D student either... For the most part she was just oblivious. Brittany was also calm tempered, which differed from Santana. She was kind spirited and compassionate unlike the rest of us Cheerios.

See, I had no problem reading them as individuals. I just had no idea how to understand them as friends. With Santana's fiery temper and snarky attitude you would think slow, dim-witted, kind-hearted Brittany would be her prey. But it was the complete opposite!

For example, the other day we were in glee club and were getting our sheets of lyrics for the latest song we were to perform. As I was skimming over my lyrics I began to hear Brittany's slow, childish voice as she struggled to read through the lyrics. I turned to silence her. I wouldn't be able to memorize the lyrics with her reading out loud at a different pace. I was about to speak when my eyes landed on them.

Santana was leaning over Brittany in her seat, which was already up against Brittany's, guiding her through the lyrics. Santana's fingers glided over the page, directing Brittany. Santana's voice was hushed, almost impossible to hear as she whispered the lyrics along with Brittany. Santana didn't snap once or even groan impatiently. Instead her eyes were soft with understanding and her lips, ever so slightly, lifted with pride as Brittany read without stumbling.

I wasn't surprised at all by the event. It was normal for them. It just didn't make sense. They were two people, like gasoline and a lit match, things that were impossible to mix together without destruction, but they worked. They just worked perfectly. Why?

I had contemplated the thought that sometimes opposites attract. Even in friendships. Some people needed a friend that could counter balance their qualities. That had been my answer for the very short length of ten minutes. Why was the idea dismissed? Because that solution came to me in math class right before the teacher asked a fellow student to solve an equation written on the board. The student had been "Umm"ing the question, trying to work it out for a good thirty seconds before Santana interrupted with a "It's thirteen, dumbass. My ten years old cousin could have answered that by now. " And there it was, the roll of the eyes and a groan of impatience. So it wasn't that she had some soft spot for slower, quieter people. It was just Brittany.

But why was that? What was so special about Brittany? Had Sue instructed Santana to tutor Brittany so her Cheerio's grades wouldn't be low? Since 9th grade?

I knew that wasn't right either. They had been friends for years and even if that was the case, why was Santana so protective?

My mind drifted into a memory of earlier that week. Brittany had a growing reputation for her "Kiss List". Kissing all the boys on the football team seemed to be her first goal. I hoped this wasn't true for the sake of the Celibacy Club's reputation. I couldn't have one of my members doing stuff like that. Santana was a lot more furious than I was though.

The first time a word of it had been spoken aloud about it in public Santana blew up. I almost felt bad for the poor Junior talking about it.

There had been a group of Juniors off of the football team standing in the hallway discussing the new piece of Gossip.

"I heard she was making out with two guys at the same time last night." One guy gushed.

"It's true. I was there. It was so hot." Another piped in. His eyes glazing over in a daze.

The first guy who had spoken, tall and lanky with braces, moved from leg to leg excitedly. _Horny little kids_, I thought bitterly, pursing my lips. Brittany needed to tone it down.

"I heard the older guys, Karofsky and Azimio saying now that she has that kissing list you just have to get a couple drinks in her and she's down for _anything_—" The last word got cut off with a loud bang.

The lanky boy was shoved up against the lockers, his eyes full of terror. I watched his eyes lock with the cause of his fear. Santana.

"Excuse me? Did you just say something, Twiggy?" Santana growled maliciously, her hand gripping the kid's collar.

He started stammering, trying to beg for mercy or explain himself but nothing came out. He gave up with a pleading look.

Santana smirked. "That's what I thought. You don't know anything. So if I hear one word utter from," she paused and looked at all three boys, threateningly, "any one of you about Brittany I will rip every single one of your braces out, got it?" She spat.

I watched the fire in her eyes burn powerfully. Her teeth smashed together, keeping herself from punching the poor kid out.

The boy nodded quickly, just wanting to get out of the confrontation alive.

Santana hesitated, seeming not to know whether or not the boy was warned enough.

"San." The single syllable rang through the hallway musically as Brittany came walking down the hall.

I watched Santana's face soften. It was like watching the ice queen melt. She slowly let go of the boy's shirt. "Well then, just remember what I said," she said pleasantly, patting his chest.

Santana turned from the boy, smoothing out her hair and smiled at Brittany. "Hey Britt." She said sweetly in a voice I only ever heard her use with Brittany.

Brittany's face lit up and she linked her pinkie with Santana's.

"I was looking for you." Brittany murmured softly as they started to head down the hallway. Brittany waved to the boys as they walked away, resulting in Santana throwing an icy glare over her shoulder. The boys all quickly averted their eyes.

I watched the whole encountered closely from my locker, wondering as always how it all worked. What made their relationship work? The question bothered me. Did they have some sort of understanding? Did Santana just like having a pet, someone submissive and controllable? We all knew Santana liked control. I'm still surprised she hadn't thrown me in front of a bus to get my position of head Cheerio. Brittany was definitely a person who was easy to control and she followed Santana around like a lost puppy.

Maybe that was the type of friendship Santana could worked with. Because, to be honest, Santana really didn't have friendships with anyone else. Sure, she was for the most part pleasant with us Cheerios but I don't think she really considered us her friends. We were all acquaintances to her. Even me. The only person she seemed to truly be friends with was Brittany.

That was the complete opposite to Brittany though. She was practically friends with everyone. Even the glee clubbers, which was pretty much treason to the Cheerios. She didn't see that. Brittany was just friendly to everyone. Helping Kurt with dance moves even though he was at the bottom of the social pyramid. Buying a cupcake for Becky even though she wasn't getting anything out of it. It was just in her nature.

It kind of worried me that Santana was taking advantage of her. Brittany trusted Santana and Santana was good at manipulating people. Was that what was going on?

You might think so. I bet a lot of people _did_ think so. But just like all the last theories that one went out the window. I could pick a situation out of plenty that Santana had become submissive to Brittany, putting her feelings and thoughts aside for Brittany's sake. A person who was just in it for the power wouldn't do that, would they?

I remembered back in middle school when I hadn't really been friends with them. We were in Phys-Ed playing volleyball. We were all split up into two teams and it was nearing the end of the game. The scores were so close. Everyone was getting excited. Santana was on my team while Brittany was on the other team. It was Santana's turned to serve the ball. She was good at Volleyball and I saw the smooth serve heading straight for Brittany. She had done it on purpose so that Brittany would have a chance to hit the ball.

That was a subtle sign of the strong bond the two shared. Instead of going for the win Santana practically passed the ball over the net to Brittney.

Brittany smiled excitedly and moved toward the ball, preparing to hit it back over the net. Just then another girl jumped for the ball. Hard. She shoved Brittany flying across the gym floor. There was a bang followed by a scream that echoed off the gym walls. Everyone froze.

Brittany was curled in a ball on the gym floored, cradling her left arm.

This was when fear took over everyone in the room, even me. Santana's fists curled, her eyes narrowed, landing straight on the girl. The cause of Brittany's pain.

Santana was in front of her in seconds. The girl shook, fear wracking through her body. Everyone in the room knew it was coming. Even the teachers. Santana lashed out. That was what she did. She lashed out on the students. She lashed out on the teachers. She lashed out on the principal. She lashed out on anyone. That was just her...

"You—" Santana's vicious words were cut short by a cry of pain.

"San..." Brittany whimpered, looking up at her with tear-filled eyes. The big, strong, hateful Santana broke right there. No more dominant, protective Santana. She disappeared.

Her legs gave out as she kneeled behind Brittany. "I'm right here, B," she whispered tenderly, pulling Brittany's head into her lap, stroking it comfortingly. "Someone's going to get the nurse right now. It's going to be okay."

Santana had stayed by Brittany's side every second through her pain. Brittany had landed up breaking her arm. That resulted in her not being able to attend cheerleading camp. Santana had refused to go to camp, saying she had to stay home and take care of Brittany. She waited on Brittany's every want and need.

With that event and many others like it I knew that their relationship had nothing to do with control. And it still didn't. I knew if Brittany was hurt Santana would drop everything, even her pride and even her reputation to comfort her.

So, if it wasn't the need for control, the difference in character traits, what was it? What enabled an impossible relationship to work so well?

One day, all my questions were answered. All of the answers were summed up in three words. After years of trying to comprehend, it was all solved in merely three small words.

Brittany and Santana were standing at their lockers and I heard something I'm sure I wasn't supposed to hear. Santana's confession. Her confession that she didn't want any boy, not Sam, not Finn, no one. All she wanted was Brittany. That was when I heard those three words slip through her lips.

"I love you."

All the pieces clicked. Everything seemed to click. Every situation I had seen them in made sense. It wasn't just about the difference in personality, need for control or what they got from each other. It was all of that and so much more. The way their character traits molded perfectly with each other, the way their need for each other surpassed everything else, the way they would become anything for each other whether it was in their nature or not.

Above all of that it was that none of that stuff even mattered when it came down to it. All that mattered was their _love_ for each other. The love was what made their relationship work. Love that didn't just look over every flaw and insecurity but accepted them and embraced them. Or helped each other conquer them if necessary. Love that looked over the hate and prejudices of the world. Love that would fight even though everything seemed like it was against it. Love that ripped down the walls of closed off people like Santana. Love that pieced the world together for flustered people like Brittany.

Finding this out didn't only piece together their relationship for me. It also opened my eyes. I could see what love truly was now... And I knew that was what I wanted. What I needed. A love like Brittany and Santana's.

**A/N: Hope you liked it! Leave a review! Let me know what you think. **


	2. The Day It All Began

**A/N I've decided instead of just making A Love Like Theirs the Quinn/Brittana outtake I would make it a collection of one shots. This is the second. **

**This is a one shot of future Brittana looking back to the day they first met. Hope you enjoy it! **

_Brittany's POV_

"Britt!" Santana squealed as I tickled her sides. We were in the middle of a tickling battle and I was winning. I had her pinned down under me on the carpet in our apartment living room. "Stop!" She begged breathlessly. "Please!"

"Never!" I yelled, grabbing at her sides playfully. Her laughter was like music to my ears.

Santana growled and fought back, not allowing me to win. She flipped us over so she was on top and had me pinned. "You're dead now." She smiled devilishly, attacking my sides now.

Laughter escaped my lips has her fingers tickled me. She knew where I was ticklish the most and I glared. These were the times when I would hate her knowing me so much. Well...not really... I struggled as hard as I could trying to get out of her grasp, but her legs pinned my arms down. I was bigger than her but she was stronger.

I began giggling uncontrollably. Thrashing my head back and forth, squirming under her grasp. "San," I breathed in between my giggle. My abs were beginning to hurt from all the laughing.

She stilled for a moment, looking down at me with sparkling eyes. Tears from her laughter shining in her big, brown eyes. She leaned down, keeping her hands on my sides in case I tried to struggle. Her forehead pressed against mine. "Say it and I'll stop," she offered with a grin. She had been trying to get me to admit that she was the best girlfriend in the world, which she obviously was, but I wouldn't say it so easily when I knew it could be this much fun.

I narrowed my eyes about to refuse but knew I'd end up giving in anyways. Or maybe I wouldn't... "Fine," I huffed.

Santana sat up a bit, cocking her eyebrow, surprised at how easy it was to get me to give in. I saw the hesitance in her eyes, doubting me, but she let my arms out from under her legs. I reached up and grabbed her shirt, gently pulling her back down to me. I pressed my lips gently to her. Santana's stiff muscles that were ready to attack at anymore moment softened and she sighed against my lips. Her hands relaxed at my sides and just rested on them. Her thumbs stroked my side. It felt warm and I almost decided to give up on my plan to continue this, but quickly shook out of it.

Right when her guard was down and I knew she wouldn't have time to grab me I took advantage of it. I shoved her off me and ran for it. I heard an _unf_ as she hit the cushy carpet. I could imagine the wide eyed, stunned look on her face. She hadn't expected that.

"You're so gonna get it!" She yelled as I ran to our room, trying to shut the door before she got to the room. But she got there first, pushing me and the door out of the way. "You're a jerk!" She said, pointing an accusing finger at me, trying to sound angry, but the grin on her face gave her away.

I smiled cheekily, jumping onto our bed, looking as innocent as I could. I sat crossed legged, putting my hands in my lap, biting down the biggest smile. I probably looked like a little girl who had just stolen a cookie from the cookie jar. Santana just rolled her eyes, too tired to fight anymore. She plopped down on the bed lying down beside me.

The sun from our window burned through the open curtains, landing on Santana's smiling face. That smile still took my breath away. I didn't think it would ever stop having such an effect on me. It was beautiful.

The smile sent my mind through a time machine, sending me straight back to the first day I had ever seen that smile. One of the best days of my life. Definitely one of the most life-changing days in my life.

My mom had said that school would be fun. The first day of grade three. I was kind of excited. I liked school. We got to play games, colour, make crafts, and do cool assignments. Sometimes we even went on trips! It was fun. But this time it would be different... None of my friends would be there.

My dad had gotten a new job so we had to move. We used to live in Sacramento, California. It was a big city and I really liked it. There were always interesting things to see there. Now we lived in the small city of Lima Heights though. I had never heard of it.

Mom said that everyone was friendly in small towns so I didn't have to worry. I would have tons of friends in no time. I really hoped she was right. I didn't want to have to sit alone at lunch or play all by myself during recess. I didn't want to be the loner. Everyone would make fun of me.

When I got to the new school I realized my mom might actually be wrong. It was already a few weeks into the school semester and everyone already had friends. Everyone looked at me really funny when I was introduced. I had to check if I had put my shirt on backgrounds again, but it wasn't. Why was everyone looking at me funny?

I smoothed out my new dress and went to sit down at my new desk. Everyone went back to what they were doing. My lips tilted downwards in a frown as I tried to keep them from trembling. Maybe it would get better later... Maybe no one talked in class here. I guess that could be okay. I decided to be a big girl and be tough. I looked down at the worksheet in front of me and began trying to figure it out silently.

It was hard. I watched as the teacher explained how to solve the math equation but my brain wouldn't understand what she was saying. At my old school they had a helper teacher who would help those who needed it, which was usually me.

I began to notice as I tried to concentrate that other kids were talking. They did talk in class here. I saw two girls talking together, smiling and laughing quietly. Maybe it was just me... maybe no one would like me here...

The day continued, slowly every moment dragged along. It felt like the clock's batteries were dying and it wasn't ticking right. In the time I had been here I had quickly decided I didn't like it. I wanted to go back to California. Back to my old school. Back to my old friends. I'm sure all these kids were nice, but they weren't being very nice to me. No one was talking to me...

When recess came it was just as I had feared. No one was there to play with me. There were girls playing jump rope, boys playing catch, and a couple people on the playground. Then there I was, sitting on the grass all alone.

At my old school I would have just gone up to the other kids and started to play with them, but that was because I knew a lot of them there. I had known them since kindergarten. Here it was different. No one knew me and I was too afraid to talk to them. I was afraid they wouldn't like me. What if kids in Lima Heights liked different things? What if I opened my mouth and something stupid came out? Because of that I kept my mouth shut and stayed alone on the grass. I hoped they wouldn't think I was a freak for not talking...

"_Heeey_ Se_ñ_or," I heard someone say in a taunting voice from a couple feet down the grass field.

My eyes followed the voices and I saw two boys. One was a skinny, boy with a mohawk and the other one was taller and wider. The bigger one was the one who had been talking.

"Can I have a taco?" The husky boy said with a devilish smirk.

I sat up straighter to see who they were talking to. I saw a girl a bit shorter than me with dark hair and tanned skin. She was pretty. I guess she was the one they were making fun of... My eyes narrowed in a glare, pretending to burn a hole in the back of the mean boy's head. That's rude...

"I don't think you need another taco, Skirtofsky." The girl said cleverly, eyeing the shirt that was far too big for the boy.

Wow. She was quick. She didn't hesitant at all. I could never come up with a comeback so quickly or even at all. I wouldn't have wanted to be mean. I would just have probably cried and told the teacher.

"_Oooh_. Snap!" The Mohawk boy laughed way too loudly. The husky boy was outraged, shoving the shorter boy. He then clenched his fists at his sides and his face quickly became a deep crimson, probably a mix of embarrassment and anger.

"Put a little makeup on and comb your hair and you'd make a very pretty girl. I bet even Puckerman would_ pucker_ his lips for you." The fierce girl continued cheekily, wearing a smirk that would probably intimidate even the Devil himself.

The boy with the Mohawk must have been Puckermen because his face and stance quickly matched the husky boy.

Right then I saw both of them starting to bend their knees as if they were getting ready to pounce.

"Santana! Boys! You better not start this again today or I'm going to have to call your parents!" Our teacher Miss Stacy called from the playground. This must have happened a lot because the teacher stared warily as if she had made this threat a million times before.

The boys glared daggers at Santana. That was her name. I liked it. They turned away from her and went back to the other boys that were playing catch with a football.

Santana smiled in satisfaction but only for a minute before her face went completely blank and she began to walk away. I watched her walk to the farthest part of the field and sit down silently. She stared down at the grass, not moving at all. She looked so alone. Like me.

Before I knew what I was doing I was up and walking towards her. I picked flowers in the field as I went. By the time I had gotten to her I had a small bouquet of flowers in my hands.

Without thinking about being weird or a freak, I leaned down and offered the flowers to the sad looking girl. She looked up at me, flustered. Her eyes blinked a couple times as the sun shone down on her while she looked at me.

"W-what are these for?" She stumbled. She looked totally stunned by my gesture. I had a feeling she normally would have had a snarky remark ready for me.

I took a deep breath. "I just thought you should know that you are really pretty and you deserve these flowers." I said bravely, even though my voice was quite low. I was ready if she was going to be mean. Something inside of me told me she wouldn't be though.

I hoped I didn't sound mushy or lame, but that sounded like a good thing to say to cheer a girl up. I would be happy if someone said that to me and gave me flowers.

"Oh," she blushed. "Thank you." A small smile played on her lips as she looked down at the bouquet of flowers.

"No problem!" I beamed. I had been right. She hadn't been mean to me! I began to turn away, knowing I had made her smile and that was good enough for me. It had been worth the risk. My body was stopped from moving though.

Santana had reached up and grabbed my hand. "Wanna sit with me?" she asked, shrugging her shoulders, trying to come off as nonchalant.

I smiled. Someone might actually want to be my friend here. "Okay." I plopped down happily, clasping my hands together in my lap.

Santana chuckled. "You look like you just won the lottery or something."

I smiled, embarrassed and shook my head. "No, I'm just glad _someone_ will talk to me."

Santana narrowed her eyes at me, looking me up and down. "Why? You some kind of freak or something?" She asked me. Her voice was hard and judgemental.

I stiffened. I wasn't a freak. I was just new.

Santana rolled her eyes. "I was just kidding!" She assured me with a teasing smile.

_Oh._ I tried to loosen up so I wouldn't look like a freak. Sometimes I couldn't tell when people were joking or not.

Santana seemed to notice I was getting uncomfortable and self conscious though because she spoke to lighten the mood. "So, what's your name new kid?"

"Miss Stacy made me introduce myself in class earlier," I reminded her. She didn't even blink, waiting for me to tell her what my name as if what I had just said didn't affect the question. "Brittany. My name's Brittany." I told her quietly.

She nodded. "I'm Santana."

"Nice to meet you, Santana!" I chirped, grinning from ear to ear. It actually started to hurt my cheeks.

"There you go smiling like you won the lottery again." She laughed light heartedly.

Santana then laid back on the grass, staring up at the clouds in the sky. Her face softened against the warmth of the sun. I laid back with her.

We were silent for a couple minutes, hearing the other kids playing, yelling and laughing, the roar of cars that drove past on the nearby road, and the teacher calling things out to people. I broke the silence though, again speaking without thinking about what I was saying or doing. I was doing a lot of that today with Santana.

"My mom says that when anyone is mean to you you should be the bigger person and be nice to them in return." I tensed waiting for Santana's reaction to my words.

She turned her head and looked at me for a second before snorting. "I don't think I could ever be a _bigger_ person than Karofsky."

I just nodded. She didn't want my advice.

After a couple seconds she sighed though. "I live in Lima Heights Adjacent. Everyone there is always saying stuff like "Don't put up with anyone's crap" and "If someone's mean to you be a thousand times meaner towards them." And that's always worked for me." She said honestly with a shrug.

"But people like nicer people better," I murmured, turning to meet her brown eyes. Why would someone always be mean to other people? That wasn't going to help anything.

She didn't respond immediately. Her eyes looked deep in thought. Finally, she spoke weakly, "I don't care if people like me."

I didn't believe her. I might not have been the smartest person but I could tell she was just saying that. I think she just wanted to not care if people liked her or not but I knew she really did. Her eyes spoke a thousand times louder than her words did.

"I like you." I said a matter of factly with a small, meaningful smile. I think she needed to know that.

Santana's chocolate brown eyes twinkled. "I like you too," she admitted with a nervous, almost embarrassed look on her face.

A relieved feeling flooded my body. I had a friend. I had a friend!

"See, we're being nice and doesn't it feel good?" I teased, feeling more comfortable now.

I saw Santana's lips tug upwards as she turned her head back towards the sunny sky. "Whatever."

"I like being nice," I commented absentmindedly, looking up at the sky as well.

"I've noticed." Santana replied with a smirk.

"Wanna know why?" I asked her, looking back at her curiously.

Santana didn't shrug me off or just saying yes to indulge me. She looked at me with open eyes and nodded, interested. I really think she didn't understand why people would be nice for no reason.

"It makes people smile and smiles are beautiful." I said softly. "Yours is one of the best I've ever seen." I added, totally serious, totally sincere. Her smile was beautiful and I would be nice to everyone for a million years if it meant Santana would be smiling.

Heat rose to my cheeks when I realized what I had just said and thought.

That totally stunned and embarrassed look came back on Santana's face and she quickly looked away from me.

"Are you real?" I heard her murmur in a hushed voice. I knew she didn't mean it in a mean way.

The school bell rang right then, signalling it was time for lunch. Santana slowly got up, taking her flowers with her.

"Want to eat lunch with me?" She asked. All nonchalant again as if she wasn't sure I would say yes or no and she was preparing for the worst. I frowned at that. Why did she always look at things so negatively? It was as if she didn't see all the good and wonderful things. She was unlike any person I'd ever met before.

"Sure," I said. From this moment on I was determined to help Santana see all the good things in life. I would help her see the world the way anyone should, with hope and happiness. I would make her see it even if it killed me.

Santana just nodded in return and began walking toward the school. I skipped forward and slipped my pinkie through hers. I didn't know why I did it, but it just felt like the right thing to do.

Santana froze with the touch. She looked down at our interlocked fingers with narrowed, hard eyes. I was about to hit myself for being so dumb and pull my finger away, but then Santana smiled. She smiled. Then she squeezed my finger in hers and began walking toward the school, walking toward our future together.

My mind was pulled back into the present when Santana rubbed my knee tenderly. I blinked a few times, bringing myself back.

"Where'd you go?" She asked me gently, a concerned look coming into her eyes.

I smiled happily. "I was just thinking about the day we met."

Santana's lips tilted upwards into that beautiful smile that had come to love and adore so much. It reminded me of that promise I had made myself when I was only eight. I would do anything to make Santana smile and to help her see the world differently. I hoped I had done that. I think I had done it at least a bit.

"The day you marched into my life and turned it upside," Santana laughed, shaking her head. "I went home thinking it was a dream and you were just some sort of angel in my dream. You know, maybe God was sending me a message in my dream telling me to be nicer or something. And then you were at school the next day and the next and you never left."

I grinned and leaned down, pecking her lips lovingly. "And I never will. You're stuck with me."

Santana's eyes softened to liquid chocolate and her hand touched my cheek gently, bringing my face back down to hers. Her lips gently parted mine in a tender kiss. I smiled against our kiss. I don't know what in the world I would have ever done if I hadn't met Santana. She was truly my whole life.

I think just as I thought I had changed Santana's look on life that she had changed mine. She showed me things I would never had seen, never would have understood. As Santana had once said my thoughts were full of rainbows, unicorns and happiness while hers were full of reality which really meant boring, sad stuff. I think after years though we balanced each other out. She smiled more and saw the good things I did. She would pull over when she saw a field of flowers and just bring me out to sit there. We said nothing most of the time. We just sat in the beauty of the world. I also saw some things more realistically now too. Some people might have said it was mean of Santana to ruin my ignorance, but I think she truly did it out of concern. She wanted to make sure I understood things for my own protection. I think both of our minds together made one perfect, balanced mind.

Together, we were perfect and forevermore we would be.

**A/N Hope you liked it! Leave a review. **


	3. Jealousy

**A/N: Another one shot for you guys! This is the first Santana point of view. This one shot is sort of in the time frame of the episode "Duets". It follows the storyline of that episode a bit but some things change a bit. Basically it is showing Santana's feelings from when Brittany's relationship first began with Artie. Hope you like it. **

_Santana's POV_

To be honest, I didn't understand my feelings for Brittany for a long time. I think I was just in denial or something because it was obvious now that there were always feelings going on in that relationship. I told myself a thousand times we were best friends. We were just close. We were closer than most people. It was nothing more than that. Yeah, sure, we kind of '_did stuff_' sometimes, but that was just because I had no guys around. Now I knew that was a pretty lame excuse because I always had some guy trying to get all up on this hot piece of Latino ass. I see now that I had gone to Brittany for one reason and one reason only: because I had only truly wanted Brittany.

It took me many experiences and years, a lot of blood, sweat and tears for me to realize what I had and what I wanted with Brittany S. Pierce.

The first time threw it me off. The first time my feelings for Brittany were revealed to me as being stronger than they should be. That first time was when she got her first serious boyfriend: Artie.

Mr. Shue decided to do one of his competitions in glee club again since his lesson for this week was duets. He wanted to give everyone a chance to shine. For once in his life. Then he announced that there would be a prize. The winners would win a trip to Breadstix. Breadstix was pretty much the greatest restaurant on earth. I was going to win that free meal and at the same time show all those losers how awesome I really was.

At first I had totally planned on asking Brittany to sing with me. She had an amazing voice and could dance circles around anyone in this whole town. We would win this thing with our eyes closed. My plans for the duet changed though.

Puck had just been sent to Juvy for one of his stupid stunts and that sent me running to Britt to get our lady kisses on. It also meant I was on edge because my social status at school was at risk. If Puck was MIA that meant that I didn't have the school's bad boy by my side to get me to the top. Depending on how long he was going to be gone I was going to have to find someone else or make some plan to ensure my spot in that school.

Britt and I were lying on her bed, her pink, girly, totally Brittany-like room surrounding us. I had my lips pecking kisses on her neck while she began to talk. I could feel the vibrations on her neck against my lips and I shivered.

"I love your lady kisses, Santana," she murmured, tilting her head slightly so I could have better access to her neck. I nodded in response, acting nonchalant, ignoring the flutter in my stomach as she said it. Whatever, I like hearing that my work was appreciated.

"I missed this." She sighed as I worked my lips, sucking harder on the side of her neck. I made sure not to apply to much pressure. I did not want to leave a mark on her and have her trying to cover up for it. Even though I'm sure everyone would figure it was one of the many guys Brittany fooled around with.

"Why is there so much talking and so little kissing going on here?" I snapped. The thought of all those guys boiled my blood. I hated that they took advantage of her. She was just being nice and gave them what they wanted.

Brittany hardly flinched at my outburst and turned her head, meeting my lips half way. Her mouth was even softer than I remembered, making me notice the big difference between hers and Puck's. I melted into their warmth and sighed. Brittany's hand massaged my scalp as we kissed, relaxing me. It felt so familiar, so safe, so natural. Almost like home.

I guess it felt the same for Britt because I felt her lips smiling against mine. I let my mind drift away and just felt for a moment, letting my walls down. Her lips on mine, her tongue brushing against mine, sending shivers down my spine, her hand massaging my head tenderly, her other hand tangling through my fingers, and her warm body underneath mine. Our body pressed against each other. It felt like we were just a bubble. Nothing could touch us. We stayed in that bubble for what seemed like years.

"We should do a duet together for the glee club. I was thinking Melissa Etheridge's Come to My Window." Brittany's breath against my lips snapped me out of my daze.

I sat up straight in a jolt, whipping Brittany's hand off of me as I went. Brittany watched me with hopeful eyes. Between those eyes, my thoughts and her words I snapped. Again.

"Just because Puckermen's MIA and I came to you for some action does not mean I am going to sing about my love for you, especially with you." I said viciously. It was a low blow but it just came out.

I knew that wasn't what Brittany meant. But I didn't want to sing a ballad with her and then come off as some gay kid and fall right back to the bottom of the school. I had worked my way to the top and I was not going to let anything ruin that for me. I knew that song would come off wrong, especially at the part where it says, "I don't care what they think. I don't care what they say. What do they know about this love anyway?" You'd have to be an idiot not to see what the hidden meaning of that song could be.

Brittany blinked, totally stunned by my words. "I didn't mean we had to sing _that_ song or a song about each other. We could sing any song. You can pick if you want to, San," she replied calmly, sitting up beside me. I felt her warm hand rest upon my knee.

My mind flared defensively when she assumed singing that song made me uncomfortable because I would be confessing my love for her through it in front of a crowed. I wasn't in love with her.

"Well I already picked someone else to sing with anyways," I shrugged, brushing my hair back to put it in a high ponytail.

Brittany's eyes fell, looking utterly betrayed and rejected. Her hand moved off my knees and landed on her lap, gripping her other hand.

"Who are you going to sing with then?" she whispered, picking at the lint on her blanket. Not bothering to look up and meet my eyes. I didn't complain. I didn't like to see her eyes looking all hurt like that.

"Mercedes," I came up with quickly. "Her voice matches mine. Together we can't lose." I stated in an even voice. It was true. Mercedes voice fit mine and there was no doubt about her talent. She and I probably had the best voices in school. We could win this thing together although I would rather go to Breadstix with Brittany.

"Oh," she said shortly. "I guess I can find a different partner too then." She could but I knew she didn't really want to.

Lord Tubbington jumped onto the bed, probably sensing Brittany's sadness and sat on her lap. I watched her stroke the faithful cat for a moment and then stood.

"Are you going?" Britt asked, confused. I knew I should go otherwise I might change my mind and regret it in the long run. I couldn't sing with her right now...

"Yeah, I should probably go work on that kick ass song to gets me to Breadstix." I replied with a forced smile. Brittany just nodded in response. Her eyes looked a little unfocused.

"I'll pick you up in the morning?" I knew normally I would have phrased that as a statement but today I had a feeling she wasn't going to want me to.

Brittany straightened up, looking taller and stronger than I knew she was feeling. "Thanks, but I'll probably just walk."

"All right. Your choice. Call me if you change your mind," I called, detached as I walked out of the room. I ran my hands stressfully over my face when I was out of sight. Even if I was expecting that it still hurt.

I had gone home afterwards and found an awesome song that I knew would bring the house down. It was made for mine and Mercedes' voices. It was raspy, powerful and fun. We could show our range with this song. It was made for big voices like ours.

I just had to convince Mercedes to sing with me. I didn't want to show up tomorrow for school and look like a total jerk when Brittany found out I hadn't even spoke to Mercedes about it. So I decided to go to Mercedes house and ask before school tomorrow. We could also have an earlier start that way.

I added the song "Mountain High, River Deep" to my iPod and jumped in my car, heading to Mercedes house. Let's be real, I had no idea where she lived. I had to search it up on to get it. But once I got it I headed straight over, trying to find some nice words to get her to agree. Obviously I had never really offered her any nice words before so this was a stretch.

I pulled onto the side of the road in front of her house and got out. It looked like people were home. The lights were on and there were two cars in the drive. Here we go.

Someone answered the door on the first knock.

"Hello." I middle aged African American woman greeted me with a warm smile.

"Hi," I smiled back. "I was wondering if Mercedes is home?" I asked politely.

"Oh yes, she is. Come on in." The woman ushered me in with a large smile. I could tell she was one of those people who were always friendly. It was refreshing though.

"What's your name, sweetheart?" She asked as I followed her down the foyer.

"Santana. I'm a," I paused for a moment, clearing my throat, trying to get the word out. "I'm a friend from glee club."

Recognition filled her eyes. "Oh. All right. Well it's very nice to meet you."

I replied the same and followed her in silence, sensing that recognition was probably not about hearing wonderful things about me. I held back a smirk.

Mrs. Jones, as I assumed she was, brought me into a room that looked like it would be a living room. Filled with a couple couches and chairs, a coffee table, TV, you know the standard stuff living stuff. There was also a piano against the wall where Mercedes and Kurt sat. Kurt's fingers moved slowly across the keys as he sang a soft melody, harmonizing with Mercedes.

I saw Mrs. Jones smile in the corner of my eye.

"They sing like angels those two," she gushed quietly, probably not wanting to interrupt the two singing teenagers.

I smiled and nodded politely. I was hoping that angelic voice would win me some rep points and a dinner.

Then I froze for a moment realizing something. Mercedes was singing with Kurt. Were they practicing their duet? Crap... Was I too late? I hoped not or this would not be good. Brittany would be mad. She'd know I was just saying I was singing with Mercedes so I didn't have to sing with her. She'd know I was choosing my reputation over our friendship. That would hurt her.

The piano stopped playing and I realized Kurt and Mercedes were staring at me with wide eyes and dropped jaws.

"Hey," I said with a casual wave, walking over to them.

"Hi?" Mercedes replied, confused. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. Kurt remained silent, but mirrored her look, sceptic.

"I was coming here to make a proposition, but I might be too late." I stated, crossing my arms and looking over at Kurt. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"What kind of proposition?" Mercedes asked. I almost laughed because both of their eyes were filled with so much suspicion it was hilarious.

"Do a duet with me for the duets competition." I answered, trying to sound as nice as I could.

Mercedes stood up, getting off the piano bench. "Is this some sort of trick? Are you going to record me practicing with you and do something to the video? Like make me sing like a chipmunk and put it on Youtube?" She asked, giving me probably her best diva look. She pulled it off pretty well.

I smirked, almost considering it. That would be pretty awesome, but then shook my head. Probably better to save that one for Berry. "No. I think we can win it together. Our voices will compliment each other. We both have an awesome range and I found a perfect song for it." I explained in a totally serious voice so she might actually believe I wasn't trying to punk her.

"Why wouldn't you just sing with Brittany?" Kurt asked, coming up off the bench too, still looking just as mistrustful as Mercedes. They had each other's backs.

I shrugged, blasé. "Since we did Brittany Spears Brittany is convinced she's better than everyone else so we decided to make a competition of it. If I win, I have bragging rights and vise versa." I replied simply.

Both of their eyes softened instantly. Obviously they were not good at reading lies because they both bought it the second I said it. I guess it could make sense except I wouldn't give a crap if Brittany said she was better. She's amazing and she should know that. I didn't have trouble with self esteem as much as Brittany did so if she found something that made her confident I wouldn't deny it of her.

"I actually wasn't planning on doing a duet with anyone..." Mercedes mumbled, seeming to be in thought. I guess she wasn't practising with Kurt then.

"What? How could you not? It's for Breadstix. Breadstix, Mercedes! You gots to have some Breadstix or you will die without a fulfilled life!" I mock yelled at her, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her, giving her an encouraging smile. I was trying to make her comfortable with me but I felt like I was socializing with the commoners or something. This took work.

She was pretty surprised I actually touched her because both she and Kurt's eyes were all wide again.

Eventually the shock died down and she smiled. "I guess we could give it a try. I have noticed you have a good voice."

"We're totally gonna win this thing," I assured her. "We should start working on it now though so we have a head start."

I kicked Kurt out and I stayed over at her place until late practicing the song. I was pretty confident that we could win the dinner. Our singing was impeccable and our dance moves flawless. No one would be able to deny us that win.

I arrived at Mercedes house before school and forced her to practice. I wanted us to be the first to perform and put the bar high. Let's just say Mercedes was not ecstatic about being woken up early. But I was in the Cheerios and early mornings were normal for us. Sometimes Coach had us out running at the crack of dawn.

We finished practicing and then I left, quickly checking my phone to see if Brittany had changed her mind. I was kind of surprised she hadn't because she usual got over things quickly but I let it go. She'll forgive me soon enough.

I stopped on the way to school and got myself a coffee and Brittany a hot chocolate with marshmallows and I added a big chocolate chip kind of cookie onto my regular order. It was a special one that Britt loved though. They made a face on the top of the big cookie with random stuff like Smarties. Maybe that would cheer her up.

Brittany wasn't waiting on the steps outside school for me when I got there. That was our usual meeting spot when we came separately. I sighed. She must be late. I knew she would be if she walked. Her house wasn't that close to the school. It was at least a twenty minute walk. I plopped down on the steps and took a drink of my steaming hot coffee as I waited.

The longer that I waited the more anxious I got. I hadn't gotten any texts from her since I left. Maybe I should have texted her goodnight. I usually would have done that. Maybe I should have called to make sure she woke up this morning. Sometimes she slept in because she would get her PMs and AMs mixed up when setting her alarm. Maybe she thought it was a Saturday or maybe she got lost or maybe she—

My thoughts were cut off when I heard the sound of her laugh. I stood up, expecting to see her walking up to the school, but it seemed like the laugh came from behind me. I turned and saw her inside the doors of the school. My eyes had to do a double take but then I saw it and I knew I wasn't seeing wrong. Brittany was pushing Artie down the hall, laughing. It wasn't her normal laugh. It was her "I am flirting with you" laugh.

Artie. _Artie_. My face twisted in disgust. Really? The only girl he ever got interested in him was some delusional Asian in glee club. She was all I'm a vampire or some crap. Why the hell would Brittany be going after him? He doesn't even have legs for God's sake.

I stomped forward with a huff and tossed Britt's food in the trash. _Screw Brittany_, I thought angrily. She didn't even wait outside for me... I had been worried...

I took a long sip of my coffee, forgetting it was still so hot and spat out a spew of curse words, shoving one of the school doors opened. I had a feeling this was not going to be a good day.

I had got half way through the day before Brittany even looked at me. Our lockers were beside each other and that was the only reason she was even near me. I slammed my locker shut and that was the reason she looked at me. It was because she was startled. Her eyes were panicked as she looked up me, knowing something was wrong.

"Thanks for waiting outside for me, _bestie_." I spat as I turned on my heels. I could feel Brittany's eyes burning through my skull as I walked quickly down the hall. If she was mad before she was probably even madder now. I knew I should have just said hi or something pleasant but the moment I opened my mouth some snarky comment just came racing out, shoving the nice words right back down my throat. This always happened when we were fighting... Brittany was the one person who I could be myself around and sometimes that didn't play well for her. She got the worst of my anger...

After school I went to glee club, sitting down in between Mercedes and Kurt. Mercedes didn't seem all that surprised that I sat there since we were going to perform a song together today so I didn't have to come up with some explanation why I didn't sit somewhere I could sit with Brittany.

Brittany came in a minute later with Artie, avoiding my eyes. She was mad. Too mad to glare.

When glee started me and Mercedes performed our song. As I acted, we nailed it. The whole group was cheering enthusiastically. Mercedes and I went back to our seats with grins plastered on our faces, announcing that we's be going to Breadstix. That was for sure.

What was even better though was when I sat down I heard Brittany mumble something about me being hot even if she was mad at me. A conceited smirk fought its way onto my face.

After glee was hard though, everyone was leaving the room and I automatically waited near the door for Brittany, planning to drive her home or to my house or wherever she wanted. When she didn't even look up at me but started chatting with Artie I realized that she probably didn't want anything to do with me. I had forgotten...

"So Artie and Brittany are doing a duet, I hear. That's who she's going to try and beat us with?" Mercedes asked, making me jump. I hadn't realized she was still in the room.

"Are they?" I asked, dumbfounded. She picked him to sing with? Why...?

Mercedes blinked. "Yeah... I figured you already knew since I did." Her voice was confused.

I should have known first. Obviously. It was Brittany.

"Oh! Yeah. No. I knew that." I said, correcting myself as if I had just been zoned out. That was why she was flirting with him. She wanted to sing with him and that was the way she knew he was going to do it.

My eyes flicked to Brittany, seeing her put her hand on his knee. My chest hurt. Like a knife was stabbing into it. _What the hell_? I thought, putting my hand on my chest, rubbing the spot where it had hurt. I shook it off and sighed, turning away from the couple. I knew what she was going to do. She would sleep with him... Why should I care? Let her do what she wants. Who cares if it's with some cripple who probably can't even perform in bed or as a singer? Have fun with that, Britt.

I hadn't realized how fast I had been walking until I noticed I was already at my car. I tossed my backpack on the passenger's seat a little too roughly and plopped into my seat.

I slammed my car door shut and then I felt my breath start to quicken. It was coming in small gasps and then I realized that tears were starting to fall down my face. Why was I crying? Why did I have the right to cry? I didn't! I told her I was singing with someone else. I practically pushed her into this position. Obviously she wasn't just not going to sing because I didn't want to sing with her. I couldn't just expect she'd wait for me... Why would she wait for me? I didn't deserve it. She was ready to sing. To sing a song that was talking about whatever she felt. She was brave... She let the whole world know what she was feeling half the time.

I wiped my face with the backs of my hands. And then there I was. I wouldn't let anyone in. Not even her. She trusted me and I always said I trusted her. Did I really? I did.

I didn't. If I trusted her I would have sang with her.

No. I was protecting us. Brittany was different. She was naive. She trusted everyone. She didn't think we'd need protecting. That was my job. But what was I protecting us from?

That question stopped me. What was I protecting Brittany from? What was I trying to protect myself from? I froze in my seat. Thoughts racing through my mind. What could come if we had sung that song?

I knew. Rumours. Rumours would have started. That was what I was protecting us from.

But there were already rumours. People thought I did stuff, people thought she did stuff. We had heard thousands of rumours about us. What did it meant?

Because it was about us. Us as one. Not separately. Us together. I had to protect us from those rumours. But what did it matter if it wasn't true? It was just a rumour, right?

I blinked, staring at my steering wheel. My mind stopped then, refusing to go any farther. I was just thinking too deeply into something. That was all. My emotions were just a little out of hand right now. Just because we were fighting. I took a deep breath, pushing down the lump in my throat. I wiped my face and pulled down the car sun visor, looking into the mirror on the other side of it. I pulled out my makeup, reapplying it. I couldn't go home with raccoon eyes or my parents would see and then they'd know we were fighting and they'd call Brittany.

I made my way home and landed up on my bed in my pyjamas. At four thirty in the afternoon. I could vaguely hear my TV playing in the background. The screen moving. I blinked, not focusing on it at all. All I could think of was different ways to kill that cripple. I felt like was psychotic criminal lying in bed thinking of different ways to kill a person, but I couldn't help it. Every bone in my body hated him. I couldn't stand the thought of him using Brittany's innocence and how naive she was to sleep with him. I could see his grimy hands touching her and it made me shutter.

I growled in frustration and threw myself out of bed. I had to stop this. She did this with tons of guys. Who cares? I slept with guys too! I grabbed my homework and set it down on my bed. I would focus on that for now. So, I threw myself into my homework for hours until I fell asleep with my head in my math textbook.

I woke up with a terrible pain in my neck from the way that I had been sleeping and groaned. Maybe that hadn't been the greatest idea.

I quickly got ready for school, texting Britt to see if she wanted a ride while I ate a bowl of cereal. I had to make this right. We couldn't go days like this. It had been long enough. A day apart in our world seemed like years.

My phone vibrated and I checked it.

_Sure_. She had responded. That was a start. We were going to be in the same car.

I finished up my breakfast and headed out early. I grabbed my sun glasses from the dash and drove to Britt's house. The sun was just starting to come out and it was shining brightly in my eyes as I drove. I pulled into her driveway, knowing her mom was already at work so no one would mind.

I waited a couple seconds for her and then pulled my keys from the ignition. She was probably still eating breakfast. I let myself into her house and shut the door quietly behind me.

"B?" I called out, slipping my shoes off. She obviously wasn't ready yet if she wasn't at the door. She always waited at the door if she was ready to go. She didn't usually make me wait if she could help it.

"In the kitchen." I heard her yell back. Her voice wasn't exactly cheerful and I cringed, tensing for a moment. Was this going to be ugly?

I slowly walked into the kitchen. I saw Brittany sitting at the table, her eyes narrowed in concentration as she stared down at some papers and books on the table in front of her. I relaxed. I knew that look. She did not understand whatever she was doing.

"Whatcha working on?" I asked, trying to sound positive. I knew sometimes she got frustrated with school stuff. Brittany's mind worked differently than a lot of people. Sometimes things just didn't click right away. Sometimes she had to look at it a different way or just get help. Her mom had wanted her to go to homework help or some crap but I told her that I would help Brittany whenever she needed it and I did. Whenever Brittany asked for it that is. Sometimes she just "didn't want to bother me". I told her she never would bother me by asking but she still was hesitant.

"Just some math stuff," she whispered, tightening her grip on the pencil. She looked like she was going to snap it in half.

I sat down in the seat beside her and looked over to see the work I had done last night.

"Why didn't you work on it last night?" I asked.

"I was at Artie's," she answered with a cheery smile. "He's really nice, San. Like super sweet."

I swallowed, biting my tongue so hard I thought I felt blood. _Keep calm_, I said to myself. Today was about fixing things with Brittany. Let it go.

"That's good, Britt." I murmured, leaning forward to coax the pencil out of her tight grasp. "Want me to explain this to you?"

Brittany's face relaxed and she smiled brightly. "Yes!"

I helped explain how to solve the equations and let her work them out herself. I didn't want to do them for her or she'd just be stuck later on.

"Did you eat yet?" I asked as I watched her work. She shook her head with a frustrated sigh. She had been trying to work on the math homework all morning.

"I'll make you something. Keep working." I walked over to the fridge, opening it up to see what was in there that Brittany liked. "Want anything specific?" I inquired, looking over at her briefly to make sure she wasn't too sucked into her work to hear me.

She looked up and thought for a second. "Peanut butter and jelly!" She said with a flash of a smile.

"All right," I replied with a nod, grabbing the jars and the bread. I made the sandwich while she worked. When I finished I set it down beside her book gently, not wanting to startle her. When Brittany was concentrated on something she didn't see anything else.

After a minute, I touched her arm. "Take a break and eat, B."

She looked up at me with a look of relief as if I was saving her from something. Yes, math was pretty much hell. I agreed. Or school was hell and math was just one of its many torture devices.

"Thanks!" She beamed, leaning over and pecking my cheek. "You always make it perfectly." She said as she looked down at her sandwich.

"It's a sandwich, Britt Britt. It's not that hard." I stated, brushing off the comment, but felt a blush creep onto my cheeks.

Brittany shrugged and picked up one of the four squares of her sandwich. There was a method to making Brittany's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. They had to have the crust cut off and the sandwich had to be cut into four squares. Not two. Not two triangles. Four squares with no crust. Of course Brittany would never complain if you did cut it wrong or if you left the crust on it, but I still made it how she liked it best.

As she ate I looked over her math. She had gotten every single one right up to now. I smiled, proud. I knew it just had to be explained to her and she would get it.

When Brittany finished eating I told her to pack up and she could finish the math at lunch. She didn't need it to be done until after lunch anyways.

I made sure I was super nice to her for the rest of the morning too, stopping on our way to school to get her the treats I had gotten her the morning before. The ones I had thrown out... She smiled one of those huge smiles that hurts your cheeks after a minute when she saw the big cookie I handed her. We were definitely in a good place when we got to school.

We headed to our separate classes and that was when things began to head back downwards. As I walked down the hall to switch my books in my locker after class I saw Brittany sitting on Artie's lap as he sat at his locker. My stomach dropped. My heart pounded, sending my blood pumping fast, making my vision red. My fists clenched. It was like I had just woken up from a good dream. Back to reality.

And being Santana aka Satan I couldn't stop myself from intervening. When lunch came around I hurried to beat Britt there. I looked around for the mechanical man and stormed right up to him.

"Hey McCripplepants." I smiled pleasantly. Artie wasn't naive. He knew what was going on. He backed his wheelchair up a bit and straightened up.

"Hi."

"So I heard Britt's using you for your voice?" I said smoothly, tilting my head to the side, curious.

"No. She likes me so we're going to do a duet together."

"She likes you?" I asked with a bit of a laugh.

"Yeah," he said almost bashfully with a smile.

"I doubt it. Let me guess she slept with you?" I said, looking bored.

Artie just looked at me and I knew the answer. She had. I shoved the urge to attack him deep down and followed my plan.

"And let me guess you think it meant something special?" I raised an eyebrow.

He was about to respond when I grabbed the first guy who passed. Tall, probably a basketball player. He would work.

"Hey, you know Brittany?" I asked him with a smirk.

The guy looked over at me. "The Cheerio? Yeah. We had sex." He responded as if he was reading off my script. I couldn't hold back my devilish smile as I let the guy go.

"So you see Brittany doesn't have feeling for you. She needs your voice. That's all. And once you've done that. Bye bye, Artie," I explained with a shrug.

His eyes fell, looking at his lap.

I walked off then with a satisfied look on my face. I knew my plan had been executed perfectly and the repercussions would be exactly what I wanted.

I went to the Cheerios lunch table, helped Britt with her homework, ate and felt better than I had in days.

I spent the rest of the day with a smile on my face. Teachers looked at me with suspicious looks and some students looked scared for their life, but I kept smiling. Artie would be gone soon.

As I sat in my last class I let my mind think though. What was the big deal with Artie? It was obvious that I knew Brittany had gotten around. I didn't ever try and ruin those relationships. But that was it, wasn't it? They weren't relationships. They were one night stands. Those guys didn't expect anything out of her after that and she expected nothing from them. It was just sex and sex wasn't dating. But that wasn't what was happening with Artie and I knew it. He wasn't one of those guys. He would want a relationship and that was why it bothered me.

Brittany deserved a relationship though. She deserved someone to make her happy.

I made her happy though. We just... We didn't need anyone else right now.

But what if she did need someone else?

I sighed. What if I was the jerk who just ruined it for her...?

I came out of my last class feeling kind of nauseas, just realizing maybe what I had done was wrong. Maybe it wasn't my job. Maybe I wasn't protecting her this time. Maybe I was being selfish...

I walked to my locker and put my books in my backpack. I waited there, waiting for Brittany so we could head home. I figured since I drove her here she would still want a drive home. Maybe we could do something fun after school so I could get this bad feeling out of my gut.

I waited a good five minutes before groaning and pulling out my cell phone. She was probably talking to one of those glee club losers somewhere.

_Did you want a drive home?_ – Santana

I waited and it took a minute but I got a response.

_In the washroom_.

I sighed and closed my locker, moving a locker over and opening hers, putting her stuff in my bag so she didn't have to walk back. I walked to the bathroom and waited outside. After a couple minutes that anxious feeling I had yesterday morning came racing back. Was she sick?

I opened the bathroom, seeing no one inside, except that there was one stall door shut. I frowned and walked in, shutting the bathroom door behind me and locking it. If she was sick I didn't want a bunch of annoying girls walking in here talking their faces off.

"You okay, B?" I asked, knocking softly on the stall door. That was when I heard it. The heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, life ruining sound of a sob. My heart stopped.

I tugged softly on the door and it came open easily. She hadn't locked it. That was when I saw her. Sitting on top of the bathroom toilet cover, arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth, crying. My best friend crying alone in a bathroom.

"Hey," I cooed, walking over and wrapping my arms around her. Her controlled crying seemed to break when I held her. It all came out and her arms wrapped around me, clenching me. Her sobs rocked both our bodies.

"Shh," I hushed her, pulling back a bit to meet her eyes. Tears formed in my own eyes when I saw them though. Badly blood shot, tears drowning them, pain clear as day in them. I reached my hand onto her cheek and brushed the falling tears. "What's wrong, Britt?" I murmured gently, wiping the tears with one hand and rubbing her arm with the other.

She hiccupped and shook a bit, trying to fight against the sobs breaking through her chest. I let her cry for a bit longer, just murmuring words to her and stroking her hair, back, arms, face, anything to try and get her to calm down. Brittany didn't cry that often and I had no idea what was going on. Usually I was the cause of it but I hadn't said anything to her. I had been extra nice to her today.

"A-Artie," she choked. There was the answer. My body stiffened and I pulled back a bit, looking at her calm down a bit. She buried her back in my stomach as she took deep breaths and my stomach felt like it was trying to kill itself. I felt like I was going to throw up.

"He broke up with me." She mumbled into my shirt.

_And you did it, bestie_. I added for her.

"Why?" I asked, stroking her hair soothingly, playing dumb. I played the good guy. I pretended it was all him. I was selfish and I knew it, but I didn't stop.

"Because I slept with him." She cried out weakly, peeking out from my shirt to meet my eyes. "He said it didn't mean anything and it's supposed." She looked dumfounded. Looking at me for the answers.

I didn't answer though. I couldn't.

"Sex isn't dating, right? Feelings are for dating. Not for sex. Isn't that what you always say, San? Why was he so mad? What did I do wrong?" She pleaded with me, begging for me to explain what she had done wrong.

"I-I," I stopped, looking down at my best friend. That was what I always told her. It was what I always told her. Whenever we did stuff I told her, "Sex isn't dating, Brittany. It doesn't mean anything. We're just having fun." She didn't know any better. Those guys didn't want her feelings. They wanted her body. No one ever told her that it was supposed to mean something. I never told her... I told her the opposite, knowing she trusted me and would believe anything I said.

"Some people are just different..." I answered, wiping her cheeks off, ridding them of tears. "Some people think it's about feelings, I guess."

"Oh..." Brittany whispered, looking down. "I-is it better with feelings? Is that why he was mad?"

I pulled her onto her feet, not walking to see her all curled up and weak. She didn't deserve this. I did. I deserved this pain. I was the one who made Artie blow up on her. I was the one who never told her about sex. I was the one who caused her to be breaking down alone in a bathroom stall.

"I don't know..." I replied. My eyes shun with honesty. "Maybe."

Brittany looked into my open eyes. "You've never had it with feelings either?"

I shrugged, feeling my walls growing back up. "Guess not." I mumbled, breaking our eye lock. I looked down at the floor. At the stall walls. At the C on her Cheerios outfit. I looked anywhere but her eyes knowing that was the place I knew she could look straight through me and ask questions I was not ready to answer.

"Is it my fault?" She asked, still broken.

Is it her fault he was mad? Not at all.

"No. If he wanted feelings then he should have had sex with someone he knew was in love with him. Did he think you were in love with him? Did you tell him you love him?" I inquired, my protective qualities racing back.

"No. We just started dating yesterday." She answered with a shake of her head.

"Then it's his own fault. He knew there were no feelings but he slept with you anyways. You did nothing wrong," I reassured her, brushing her bangs to the side comfortingly.

Brittany smiled weakly at my words. She was only hurt because she had thought she had caused him some pain. She was too caring... Her heart was too big.

"I love _you_, San," She whispered, wrapping her arms around my waist, hiding her face in my neck. I wrapped my arms around her neck and just held her there for a moment, feeling her love. Until I started to block it out. I didn't deserve it.

Artie was right to want feelings. He was right to think they should have had feelings. Brittany needed someone who had those feelings for her who would teach her these things. Someone who was just as selfless as her. Someone who was the opposite of me...

That was the first time I felt a brief moment of my true feelings for Brittany. In that hug, with those thoughts and feelings clouding my mind, I had thought that I wouldn't let that person find her. I would become that person for her. Maybe not right then. But I would in time. I might not have thought it in those words. I may not have thought it as being more than a friend, but that was because I wasn't letting myself. I avoided labels but I could feel it. Those feelings people talked about. Love. I wanted her to feel it. I wanted to feel it. I wouldn't let it come easily though. That was the first event showed me that a war was about to start. The war in my heart. Me against love.

**A/N: Hope you enjoy the one shot! Santana's first, brief glimpse into her real feelings toward Brittany. **


	4. The Plumbings Different

**Author's note: Hey! This oneshot is based off of the following quote said by Brittana in the episode called "Sexy". Hope you enjoy! **

_Brittany: "I love making out with you–"_

_Santana: "Which isn't cheating because..."_

_Brittany: "Because the plumbing is different."_

"Santana."

My heart was beating so hard I thought it might break through my ribcage and come crashing through my chest. I could hardly hear from how loud it was beating. Was it supposed for my heart to combust? I was worrying it might. My body was on fire.

"Santana!"

A shiver ran down my back as her hands ran down my arms. I felt them push me back a bit, feeling pressure against them, but I just took it as a battle and pushed back, pressing my lips harder against hers. Her lips tasted like skittles and fruit punch. They always tasted sweet. I swear sometimes I wondered if that was what happiness would taste like...

"_Santana_, we need to stop."

I pulled up slowly, blinking, realizing that words were coming out of her mouth between kisses. Stop? Stop what?

"Are we making too much noise?" I whispered to her, pulling up enough that I could see her whole face. I knew her parents were home, but they were probably fast asleep by now. They never heard us anyways. Thank god for that... I definitely wasn't ready for that confrontation.

Brittany shook her head in reply.

I focused more on her face then. It was a bit paler than usual. She looked flustered and maybe even in pain.

"Did I hurt you?" I gasped, looking for damage. I sat up, my knees on either side of her hips. I trailed my hands down her arms, looking closely at them, then her legs, and then back up to her neck and face. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary.

"Are you feeling sick?" I asked gently, pressing the back of my hand to her forehead. "You don't feel that hot..."

Maybe it wasn't a fever... Maybe she had an upset stomach or something. I looked down at her, waiting for a response. She was silent though, staring at the ceiling. That kind of sent me into a panic. Brittany rarely went all zoned out and silent on me, especially if we weren't fighting or anything. She normally would just tell me what was wrong. She didn't filter her thoughts before speaking them out loud like most people did. If something was bothering her she would tell me. Something must be wrong.

"Britt," I murmured, reaching down to touch her cheek, trying to get her focus back.

Her eyes flickered to me, scared. What the hell?

"We," she paused with a gulp. She stared at me as if gauging me or something, feeling me out. I just stared back, waiting for her to explain. I had no idea what she was looking for or what she was panicking about.

"Spit it out, B." I smiled in an attempt to get a response from her.

"_Wehavetostop_," she spat out way too quickly. She brought her hands onto her stomach, wringing them together. Her eyes wide, waiting for my reaction.

"All right?" I answered. I wasn't sure if I should be smirking in amusement or wringing my hands nervously just like her. She wasn't telling me why we had to stop.

Brittany nodded quickly and pulled herself out from under me. She sat cross legged in front of me and pulled a pillow into her lap, hugging it tightly. She looked so small and vulnerable. I didn't know what I should do so I mirrored her position in front of her. Minus the pillow.

There was a silence. It seemed like someone had pressed pause on us. Neither of us moved, spoke or even breathed. I had a strong feeling that she wasn't sick and it was making me sick. It meant this was about something else...

I hated it but I could feel the walls around my heart going up. I could feel the defensive surge of anger shooting through my veins. It was an involuntary response. It always happened when I was stuck in a confrontation. And the things that came out of my mouth when this feeling came to my body I usually regretted. Especially when it came to Brittany.

"Are you planning on telling me why we're stopping or are you just going to sit there staring at the wall like a first time stoner?" I snapped at her, causing her to jump in her seat. She had been far off in her mind. I clenched my teeth together. She was supposed to let me know where she was in her mind...What was going on inside of there... She was supposed to let me into that crazy wonderland. She was supposed to let me help her.

"I just...I think we should stop," she mumbled, still being just as cryptic as before.

"Why?" I pushed. I wasn't letting it go when I knew there was a reason, especially when that reason was making her nervous and sick.

She sighed softly and tightened her grasp on her tangled hands. "I can't cheat on Artie," she finally stated. Her blue eyes were soft, upset, apologetic, torn.

"What?" I said in a way that sounded like what she said was the most ridiculous thing in the world. "You're not cheating."

Brittany blinked in confusion. "Yes I am. I'm kissing someone else. I'm sleeping with you. I'm doing stuff I'm only supposed to do that with Artie now. He's my boyfriend," Brittany explained, but it seemed like every sentence she said ended with a question mark. She wasn't sure if she was right. Well, she thought she was but then I said she wasn't. She trusted my word.

"I'm not a boy, Brittany," I told her simply. "It doesn't count. The plumbing is different on girls, so it's not the same, B."

Yes. I lied. I lied straight through my teeth to my best friend. I had no idea why.

Brittany tilted her head to the side ever so slightly and her eyes narrow in thought. She was considering my words.

She was silent for about a minute before she let out a giant sigh of relief. "Oh. So I didn't cheat?" She asked for clarification. I saw the hope and relief feeling her eyes as the panic and fear diminished.

I shrugged nonchalantly, "Nope."

"So as long as I only do this with you it's okay?" Brittany questioned. I could see her muscles relaxing as she spoke. She bought right into my lies and I hated myself for it. Especially because I didn't regret it one bit. Artie didn't own her. Brittany would be over him in no time anyways. I wasn't going to let him get in the way of what we had. This was how our relationship worked. It just did. It always did... No one was going to change that. I liked it how us how we were.

"Exactly," I smiled, reaching forward to rest my hand reassuringly on her knee.

Brittany gave me a sheepish look, obviously sorry for making a fuss out of something that meant nothing. "Sorry about that. I just thought it was the same..." she mumbled, giving me big puppy eyes.

I laughed and grabbed the pillow out of her lap. I lifted it up and threw it playfully into her face. "It's fine. Just let me get back to giving you some sweet lady kisses," I teased, lightly tackling her back down on the bed.

Just like that she was accepting my kisses and my word. Whatever Santana says goes. That was how much she trusted me and I took advantage of it. I let the self loathing feeling be shoved out of me by the overpowering feeling of her hands, her mouth, her love, her everything. _No regrets_, I told myself.

**Author's Note: It was short but I hope you enjoyed it! Leave a review! **


	5. Always Another Reason

**Author's Note: Hey everyone. Hope you aren't all dying from the Glee hiatus. If so, I hope this oneshot helps at least a little bit! **

**Summary: Santana knows her feelings for Brittany. She knows that they are much stronger than she's ever felt before. What can she do? She doesn't want to lose Brittany. She has to pretend she doesn't feel for Brittany even if that means becoming numb. How is that possible when Brittany gives her more and more reasons to love her though? **

_Santana's POV_

Do you know what it feels like to have one person in the whole world know you? Like really know you. Understand you. One person you can be yourself with. You can wear sweats and no makeup with and they wouldn't look at you any differently. That one person you can break down in front of, eyes full of tears, nose running like a faucet, choking on your own breath looking like some hysterical nutcase and they just hold you. Even if it was over the stupidest little comment or its one of those moments when they could say "I told you so." They still hold you. Just hold you. It's just that person who knows you inside out. But then a tragic moment happens when you can't be yourself around that person anymore because if you are it'll ruin everything. So you have to hide from that person and it rips you apart inside.

Yeah, that crappy moment in life is pretty much what's happening to me. Brittany is that someone to me. That person who can read you like a book... Sometimes, especially lately, I hate that she can read me so easily. It makes things so much more difficult than it would normally have to be. She notices. She notices everything. She notices every time I don't reach for her pinkie in the hall way. Every time I forget to make a snarky comment about what Rachel's wearing. Every time I avoid her eyes... Some people may say she's not bright but she is super perceptive when it comes to me. It takes continual effort to keep her from noticing that I am slowly drifting away.

I can tell she sees it a lot of the time though. That's when it hurts a thousand times worse. Her eyes...blue piercing eyes...searching mine. Questioning. Pleading. The same words burning through her eyes every time: _Let me in_.

But I won't. I can't. Believe me if there were any way around this I would have taken it. But this is the only way not to hurt her...as much. I'm protecting her. If I ever told her how I felt about her it would change everything. We would never be the same and I couldn't ever take that rejection. I could take being thrown away by Puck, Finn, Sam, anyone, but not Brittany. I couldn't take being left by her. She was the only one who I ever let know me, like really know me, and if she rejected me I knew I wouldn't ever be able to let someone in again.

So I decided to hide. To slowly get used to the idea of being without her. I was preparing. Whether I liked it or not I knew that I had to either be without her or make myself numb to her so I didn't ruin our friendship.

That wasn't an easy task though. Not when she constantly gave me reasons to love her even more than I already did.

"Santana?" Brittany said, breaking the tense silence that had been settled for a while.

"Brittany," I replied with a smirk, looking up from my homework. This was our Tuesday night ritual. We'd pop in a movie at my house, lay on my bed, work on homework, talk or you know, sometimes make out. Whatever we felt like doing.

The night had been full of tension so far though. Brittany had gotten cozy while I fixed her a snack. I had gotten to my room and there she was as always, her head at the foot of the bed, resting on her forearms, staring intently at the TV screen which hadn't been turned on yet. But naturally my eyes wouldn't stop there. I froze in the doorway, captivated by the sight of her. My eyes slowly wracking over her body.

I marvelled at the tone of her calf muscles, her cute indent of the back of her knees, and the way her thighs muscles flexed as she crossed one over the other. I counted the screen freckles on the back of her neck and shoulders. My fingers itched to run themselves over the speckles, tracing the dots to make different shapes. I bit my lip as I watched Brittany's tongue shoot out of her mouth to graze her lips and then slowly bring her bottom lip into her mouth, chewing it as she lay there thoughtfully.

Thankfully that was when I snapped myself out of it, shoving my longing desire away, knowing it couldn't go anywhere without creating a disaster. So I gave her the snacks and instead of taking my usual position, lying beside her, I sat at the head of the bed with my knees pulled tightly up against me, resting my homework on them. We had been in silence since then. Brittany had obviously noticed my unusual position and was probably figuring something was wrong.

"What kind of job do you want? You know when we're done school and everything." Brittany inquired, curious. She turned her head toward me, looking away from the TV.

"I don't know. Something that would bring the money in. I gots to be loaded and out of this dump when I'm older. Something with power too though. Maybe the first female president," I answered with a shrug. I really didn't have any idea.

Brittany pursed her lips and nodded solemnly, "You could totally do it."

I looked down at my book, fingering the sides of the pages gingerly as I bit back a smile. I could hear the sincerity in her voice and it filled me with a warm feeling. Her confidence in me showed no bound. I wished I believed in myself as much as she believed in me.

Brittany rolled over and flipped herself around so that her head was now beside me instead of her feet. I stiffened, moving over a little as subtly as I could. Skin on skin contact would not turn out well.

"I think I want to be an exotic dancer," Britt announced with an excited smile as I had begun to work on my homework again.

My head snapped to my right, my jaw dropping open. "W-what?'" I stammered. Brittany was an innocent person and this was not a thought I would have ever expected to cross her mind. Sure she had a good amount of action with guys and girls but it wasn't like that...

Brittany shrugged nonchalantly, "Why not? Everyone's always saying what a sexy dancer I am. So why not get paid for it, right? Plus I like their costumes and it looks fun."

I just stared at her, absolutely stunned. Was she joking? She had to be joking! But her face was completely serious. I swallowed, hard.

"Don't you think I'm sexy enough?" Brittany asked. Her eyes widened. Open to hear the truth.

I rolled my eyes, trying to loosen up. "Well...Sure, I guess." Of course she was...

Britt's jaw dropped dramatically. "You guess?"

My mouth moved too quickly for my brain. "Well, no, I didn't mean it like that. I mean you're sexy—obviously. I just, you know, am not so sure that would be the right kind of job for you. Even if you are _more_ than capable of doing it..." My voice faded as I saw Brittany nearly cracking up beside me. She had her lips firmly pressed together trying to keep her laughter contained. Tears were brimming in her eyes. She was joking!

I grabbed a pillow and smacked it straight over her head. "Don't do that! I thought you were serious!"

Brittany was gasping for air as she had her laughing fit. "You should have seen your face!" She choked out in between giggles.

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, but couldn't stop a smile from forming on my face. I couldn't believe she actually tricked me. I shook my head down at her and chuckled. It was probably the first time I had actually laughed in a few days... Trying to numb my feelings for Brittany also made me try and numb the happiness that came with being around her.

Britt paused. She reached up. My eyes watched her arms carefully and my body turned to rock, preparing for contact. _Don't feel. Don't feel._ My mind chanted.

Against my will, my heart fluttered as the tips of her fingertips brushed against my cheek. My eyes shut against the feeling, the heat that warmed even the deepest, darkest parts of my soul hit me like a bomb.

"Sorry. You've been so tense lately. I just wanted to make you laugh," she confessed in the softest tone. I could feel her concern leave her mouth, travel through the air and settle right against my chest. My heart. It tightened, squeezing, leaving me a bit breathless.

I reached up and wrapped my hand around hers. But only for a moment before I remembered why I was tense— why I had been tense. I brought her hand back down, squeezing it and then setting it down on the mattress. She didn't seem to notice my rejection. Or she simply chose not to express it.

"You scared me for a minute," I grumbled, but gave her a smile so she knew I wasn't genuinely angry. But it did send the bad kind of shivers down my spine, thinking about her ever getting into a job like that. Sometimes she could be quite naive. I hoped she'd know that wasn't the kind of job to get. All those guys staring at her like she was some piece of meat, thinking unholy thoughts of her... My teeth clenched together just thinking of it. I would never let that happen.

"Sorry," she apologized again.

I nodded, brushing it off. I knew how to take a joke. "So, what do you actually want to be when you're all grown up?" I wondered. I figured the answer would probably be dancer, but who knows sometimes Brittany came up with the craziness responses that you wouldn't have ever expected. Such as the exotic dancer...

Brittany brought her damned lip back into her mouth, chewing on it as she thought deeply about the question. I had to physically restrain myself, holding onto the bed so I wouldn't grab that lip between my teeth.

"I guess I've always wanted to be a dancer... But I kind of want to do something else too," she murmured, tracing patterns in the blanket. She almost looked nervous. What did she have to be nervous about? Unless she actually wanted to be an exotic dancer... If that was the case, I was going to lock her in a closet right now and never let her out.

"What's that?" I asked calmly, trying to coax it out of her.

"I don't know. Maybe—" The rest of her mumbling words were cut off as she spoke into the thick blanket on my bed.

"Get your face out of the bed. I can't hear you, goof," I laughed, looking at how cute she was all nervous and embarrassed.

Brittany pulled her face up and sighed heavily. Maybe I didn't want to hear what she wanted to be if she was this nervous about it. My eyes began to narrow suspiciously.

Her deep blue eyes captured mine. "Sometimes... I sort of want to do something to...help people. I always see those commercials and pamphlets about people in need and about how to help them... I just want to give back, I guess. It's not their fault that bad things happened to them and I just want to help good things happen to them too. I want everyone to be happy... I know I really can't make _everyone_ happy... but maybe if I got a dance studio one day I could help less fortunate kids by giving dance lessons and stuff." She finally admitted with wide, open eyes. She looked scared out of her wits.

Without even realizing it I had leaned down and pressed my lips tenderly against hers. She was completely selfless sometimes. She was truly the purest person I had ever met in my life and that was one of the reasons I loved her so much. She was real.

"You think it's a good idea?" she questioned me breathlessly as she pulled out of the kiss. She seemed utterly stunned but pleased by my response.

"Of course I do. It's so you how couldn't I like it?" I grinned, hovering over her face, watching her thoughtfully.

Maybe she figured I wouldn't think it was a smart idea because it wouldn't make much money. My answer had been the complete opposite of hers. I wanted something powerfully and she wanted something to help others. My answer had been solely based on me whereas hers was for the greater good.

Britt's face relaxed into a soft smile and I mirrored it. My forehead rested against hers and we just gazed into each other's eyes. I was proud of her.

"I wasn't sure if you'd like it because of your dad and all..." she explained, reaching up to reach my cheek but I was long gone. I snapped up into my previous sitting position, realization hitting me like an ice cold slushie in the face.

My father. The dear old dad... That was the reason she had been so nervous.

Brittany's face changed dramatically. It was suddenly a perfect picture of stress. She realized I hadn't thought about it relating to him.

"I'm only sixteen. I don't know what I want to do for sure. It's just something I've thought about. Who knows? Maybe I'll be a cat whisperer," she joked, poking at my side. I grabbed her poking hand and held it in my lap, looking across the room at the movie, Aladdin, playing on the screen.

I guess you could say I had "daddy issues" or actually I had no dad around to have issues with and that was the big issue. My father was a doctor. A pretty accomplished doctor, actually. He was one of the greatest surgeons around. That hadn't ever worked to my advantage though.

When we first moved to Lima Heights adjacent after my dad finished medical school I was only four. My dad had moved us here because it was where there were some job openings for doctors. He had gotten a job quickly after we had gotten here but because he had so many school bills to pay off we remained living in the dumps of Lima Heights. At first I was pretty oblivious to the state of which we were living. My mom wouldn't let me out after dinner and watched me like a hawk when I was outside but I assumed it was because she was overprotective.

Sometimes I wound hear my parents fighting about our home. My dad would always promise my mom that once he had paid off his debts he would have enough money in no time to move us somewhere nicer. My mom would let it go, remembering how much he was getting paid at his new job. "It would be no time until the debts were paid off," I could hear her mumbling some days.

Over time things changed. My dad changed. The adjacent made him obsessed with helping the less fortunate. Patients would come in for help but wouldn't have insurance and he would feel pity upon them and graciously pay their health bill for them. This became a very frequent thing. It was almost like an addiction. Like gambling for some people. It hurt our family just as much as gambling would have.

The fights would pound through my bedroom walls late at night. My mom yelling at my father for helping all those strangers while he wasn't helping his family. My dad would smoothly counter that with statements like "We need to share our fortunes with those who don't have any.", "Do unto others whatever you would like them to do to you." and other nonsense like that. At first I thought I understood. My dad was helping people, saving lives. He was like a superhero.

But as years flew I realized that in reality he was a superhero to those people but was a super villain when it came to his own family. He put them before our family. Always.

Presently he had been gone for three years, working in Haiti, helping those who needed it. What an angel...

My mother never left him – even though he was gone anyways. She was traditional. Loyal. When she read her vows she meant them for life. Or so she always told me. I always told her to dump his useless ass. The man was nothing to me now but a monthly cheque, providing me and my mother with whatever money he had left after "saving people". I think my mom stopped relying on them because she picked up a lot more hours at work once he left. It was hard for her because she hadn't gone to college. She had planned on being a stay at home mom to raise me. The job she landed up with was waitressing at a small local diner.

She was what I considered a superhero compared to my father. She worked hard to provide for her _family_.

I had vowed since I realized what my dad was that I would never turn out like that. I wouldn't ever put anyone before me and the ones I loved. Screw everyone else! What was it worth if you disappointed and lost the people who actually meant something to you?

I pursed my lips tightly and looked down at my hands wrapped around Britt's. It made sense she was so nervous before because when it came to conversations about my father I became very distance and very hard to reach. Sometimes even a bit bitchy. I held onto her hands, making sure I didn't lose her in my distance. Her hand kept me safe from being wrapped inside my mind. My numb mind.

"I'm not your dad, San," Brittany finally said, ripping me out of my thoughts. She was sitting in front of me now, blocking my view of the TV screen, forcing me to look at her. Her eyes gazed intensely into mine, trying to use her eyes to convey her thoughts into me.

"I know," I whispered honestly, but still weakly. She wasn't anything like my dad. I knew that. I did know that, but I could feel the anxious fear creeping into my mind. Maybe she would realize they were more important. Helping people was more important...

"Promise?" Brittany asked, putting her free pinkie up in the air, directly in front of my face.

I felt my lips tilt upwards at the familiar gesture. I reached one of my hands up, leaving my other hand to keep grasping her hand, and linked my pinkie with hers.

"Promise," I assured her, squeezing her pinkie.

"Good because I would never leave you," she vowed. Her eyes pierced into mine. Her eyes were a reflection of herself: Pure. You know the quote saying that the eyes are the window to a person's soul? That was definitely true for Brittany. I would see her clearly just by looking into them. I could see she was being completely honest. She wouldn't leave me to help anyone.

"You'd be good at helping kids, especially in dance," I admitted to her in a soft murmur.

Her eyes brightened like stars in the midnight sky. "You think so?" she sang, jumping up and down in her seat excitedly.

I nodded solemnly.

Brittany smiled and looked down at our hands. Her thumb stoked the back of my hand and we sat in a silence for a minute. The silence was different than earlier. It was comfortable. It felt good. I wasn't holding back anything and neither was she.

"I just want you to know that whatever I land up doing, you will always come first, Santana. I love you. I love you more than anyone else in the world. I want you to be happy. Don't forget that."

My heart pounded a thousand miles a minute. Her words tearing down every wall I had built up, erasing every scar, easing away all the grudges. I leaned forward and pressed my cheek against hers, closing my eyes, breathing in deeply, letting myself get lost in her presence.

My mind tried to warn me to block her out. That's she'd leave one day. The day I told her the truth. But my heart spoke louder, echoing her promises to me. And for that moment, I let my heart win.

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter. People are always wondering why Santana lives in the ghetto of Lima Heights when her dad is a doctor and that was what I came up with as the reason! Leave a review and tell me what you think!**


	6. Ice Cream Gone Bad

**Author's Note: In honour of yesterday's Glee episode, which had the most heart warming Brittana scene ever I thought I would post a one shot. **

**Basically, this one shot is about Brittany and Santana going out for ice cream but then it turns sour. So you get some cute moments but then you also get some angst in there. Hope you enjoy it! **

_Santana's POV_

The cold, chocolaty ice cream began to melt, dripping down the cone and onto my fingers. I hurriedly licked them off, trying to avoid becoming a sticky mess. I was already sticky enough from this hot weather. Hence, why Brittany and I had decided to come and get some ice cream.

While I was preoccupied with cleaning off my fingers, Brittany took that as an opportunity. She quickly swept in and took a big lick of my chocolate ice cream.

"Brittany!" I gasped playfully, shoving her away from my ice cream cone. I gave her the best glare a girl could, trying to convey the message _you don't ever take a lick of another girl's ice cream without permission_. Her eyes sparkled in the summer sun seeing my glare and she ducked her head. Her lips were tilted upwards in a childish smile. She looked totally guilty.

"I wanted to try yours!" she explained with a little pout.

I rolled my eyes but smiled. "Let me try yours."

Brittany obliged easily smiling as she pushed her cone towards me. I took a small lick of her bubble gum ice cream. "It's good," I hummed, pulling backwards. The sweet fruity taste brought my taste buds to life from the difference in taste.

"You didn't get one of the pieces of gum!" Britt exclaimed in a panic, jumping up and down impatiently.

I laughed. I swore sometimes she was more childish than a child. I leaned over and tried to maneuver a way to get to one of the small gumballs hidden in the ice cream. Before I could I felt a slam of coldness press into my face. Brittany had shoved her ice cream into my face.

"_Oh my gosh!_" I shrieked. My eyes flying open wildly in surprise. She did not just do that!

Brittany was long gone, running down the street, giggling like a small school girl.

"Brittany S. Pierce you are going to get it!" I hollered at her. My feet were already moving, chasing after her. It wasn't that hard. She was giggling and stumbling every two steps. I caught up to her fast and before she knew it I had tacked her to the grass of someone's lawn.

Brittany fought, pushing me off of her and rolling us over so she was on top of me. My hand clenched my ice cream cone, hoping not to lose it in the battle. Her eyes were dancing as she looked down at me playfully, struggling.

"Did you get a piece of bubble gum?" She laughed, flicking my nose.

"I hate you..." I grumbled, but I couldn't hold back my laughter. She was clever. No matter what anyone said she was a genius.

Brittany's jaw fell in mock surprise. "Harsh words, San."

I chuckled and watched her, actually more like gazed at her. The sun came through the breaks of her hair as she canopied me in it. Sunlight and golden wisps of hair were everywhere and it was beautiful. I took in a deep breath. It was as if I was looking at a picture of an artist trying to convey the sun. It was golden and bright. Warm and captivating. All I could smell was bubblegum and sunshine. This was one of those breathtaking sights people talked about. The ones that take your breath away. The ones that matter most in life.

Brittany's eyes met my gaze and a light smile danced onto her lips. "You've got ice cream all over your lips," she murmured, almost breathlessly. "Let me help..."

Without a word I felt my eyelids slide shut. I knew what was coming and my whole body started to burn like it was starting to ignite with fire in anticipation.

Fire on fire. That's what I felt. Despite the cold ice cream we had just eaten it felt like both our lips were on fire as she pressed her lips to mine. A breathy moan escaped my lips involuntarily. Her lips parted more as she took the ice cream off of my lips. All I could taste was bubblegum and Brittany. She was thorough in her cleaning. I dropped my ice cream cone on the grass and my hands found their way to her face, cradling it as we melted together in this hot mess.

Her hair shielded us from the world and that was what let me relax. It let me fall deep into the kiss and forget we were even on planet earth.

The kiss ended long after the ice cream was gone from my lips and we both pulled back breathlessly. Our lips were swollen and red. Let's just say both our ice cream cones were long gone by the time we had finished.

"Wow," Brittany whispered, sitting up on the grass. My eyes squinted as the sun hit me full on, reminding me we were back in reality. Great.

I cleared my throat and sat up too, trying to avoid sitting in the ice cream we had dumped.

"We're going to need new ice cream now," I laughed nervously, picking at strands of grass. My eyes peeked up shyly to see Britt's. She had a dopey looking grin on her face. I felt my heart leap in my chest and I quickly broke our gaze. Wow. What was that? Until then I hadn't realized how fast my heart was beating.

"There's still some of your face," Britt noted, leaning forward, but then stopping. "No more kisses, I promise." She winked mischievously at me. She knew that would have been what I was expecting after that. I don't know if I could have handled another moment like that. Not in public at least.

She pulled a wet wipe out of her bag and came to sit crossed legged in front of me. She was always prepared... I sat in the same position as her so our knees were touching.

"Want me to get it?" She asked suddenly unsure of herself.

I nodded wordlessly. This was easier, I told myself. I couldn't see where the ice cream was. She could. Logically it made sense that she would be better at cleaning it off, right?

I felt the moisture touch my face. It felt good to have the sticky residue off of my face. I stared at Brittany as she cleaned me up. Her face was a mask of concentration, trying to get every bit of ice cream off of my face the first time. She took care of me.

I heard a loud laugh break down all the walls that had been shielding us. I jumped. That was how hard the walls came down.

"Wow. Look at them love birds all cozy over there." The words made my head snap to the side. _Them_.

Azimio and Karofsky were standing across the street with large, taunting grins on their faces.

"Aww. Honey, you have something on your face. Let me get it for you," Karofsky mocked in a cooing voice.

Azimio was quick to follow along. "Oh, baby, please do."

Their cackling laughs threw me off the edge. We were not love birds.

"Hey. You. You got something to say? Come over here and say it." I yelled at them, leaping to my feet. My words were laced in malice. My psycho cheerleader mask was coming right back on.

"We've awakened the beast! Run!" Azimio hollered through his laughter, patting Karofsky on the back and then started to quickly walk off.

My hands balled in fists and I began to cross the street, planning to go after them. I was head cheerleader. They were not going to go on talking about me like that and not have any consequences. They were abouts to go down Lima Heights style.

My feet were stopped in their tracks as hands encircled my wrists, pulling me back onto the grass.

"Let them go," the voice of reason said from behind me. Her iron grip was not letting me go though. She knew I wasn't going to let go that easily.

"No! Britt, they can't go around saying stuff like that and get away with it," I fought, swinging my wrists violently, trying to get out of her grasp. If I let it go this time, they would do it again. I didn't want to hear them taunting me about this every day. This was not going to continue. I was not going to land up like Kurt, having to transfer schools. Nothing was happening between me and my best friend anyways...

"San," Brittany sighed. "Come on. Let's just go get some more ice cream. Let it go."

"Brittany, they're never going to stop unless I stop them now." I told her seriously, turning my head to look her in the eye. Her eyes were weary and almost pained.

"Who cares? They're going to bug us about something new all the time. Yesterday, it was how slutty we are or how stupid I am. Today it is this. They just like to get people worked up," she explained, letting go of one of my wrists to brush my bangs out of my eyes. Her eyes didn't match her voice. Her voice was steady, calm, and wise.

"Whatever," I growled. "They can bug me about whatever, just not this, okay?" I broke my other wrist out of her grasp and started to storm off. I didn't go in the direction of the guys though. They were gone by now. I wasn't bothering... I just wanted to get away from Brittany. I just needed to breathe.

"San?" Brittany called confusion very apparent in her voice. I could hear her shoes hitting the sidewalk behind me as she slowly jogged after me.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled back at her, not bothering to turn around. I hurried my pace though, knowing Brittany could easily catch up in seconds with her long legs.

Brittany didn't listen. I could still hear her running shoes hit the sidewalk in a quiet patter. I knew she wouldn't let it go. She wouldn't understand why I wanted her away from me.

I didn't even know why I wanted her away from me. I was just...angry. Not only was I angry at those idiots but at her too. She put me in a situation where those guys could make fun of me. Not only make fun of me but make fun of me for being _gay_. Not that I was. I wasn't gay and I didn't want that labelled stuck onto me either. Ever. Me and Brittany were just different...We weren't in love or anything. We did things whenever we wanted...whatever we wanted...that's all. It didn't mean anything. I knew that. She knew that. They didn't know what they were talking about.

"Wait!" Brittany tried again. I could hear the desperation in her voice now. She knew it had something to do with her now. She didn't stop jogging, but by now I was jogging too.

What if they had saw us kissing? Everyone would have known. They would have told anyone. What if they had gotten pictures? Why had I let that happen? It could have ruined so much.

"Santana!" The voice was a lot closer now. It was practically in my ear and the familiar hands found their way around my wrists. I had stopped jogging without even realizing it. "What did I do?" Her words were like a brush of air, hardly there, but they screamed in my head. You did everything!

"You kissed me!" I hissed, swinging around to face her. Her hands flew off my wrists in surprise. My eyes were burning into hers viciously, daring her to fight me. I wanted to fight. I wanted to push her away. I didn't want her anywhere near me! She was ruining me. She was going to ruin what I had.

Brittany's face twisted in confusion and frustration. "So what?"

"So what? _So what?_ They could have seen us kissing. They could have taken pictures! Everyone would have seen it, Brittany! Everyone!" I screamed in her face. How could she say so what? Didn't she understand? This was serious.

Brittany blinked as if she was trying to understand what I was saying but she just couldn't. "Who cares?" Her words were uncertain. She thought she was right but she wasn't sure because of my reaction. She didn't understand. She thought it was okay. She thought it would be okay if people saw us kissing! Was she insane?

"I care!" I said, incredulous. I couldn't even believe what she was saying...

"Why?" She asked. Her words were starting to lace with anger.

"Because I'm not gay!" I shouted back.

Brittany's eyes narrowed. "I'm not gay either and I still don't care."

My mouth shut and my lips pressed tightly together, staring at her. How could she be so cool with people seeing her kiss another girl? Did she see what happens to Kurt all the time for being gay? They tortured him. I tortured him!

"I like to kiss you. I don't see what that has to do with anyone else," She whispered, kicking her foot at the sidewalk. "But if it bothered you that much, I'm sorry for kissing you, San."

Suddenly, her demeanour was so small. Her face in a frown. Her body slumped over. She couldn't even meet my eyes now. She was so naive... She didn't understand what it would have meant to other people. She only understood what she saw and felt. I couldn't be anger at her for that. I couldn't. The anger slowly started to diminish. She didn't know. Brittany didn't need to be broken and shielded all the time like me. I wouldn't let her end up like that.

"It's okay," I murmured, flicking her nose playfully. "I'm sorry for blowing up on you, B."

Her eyes timidly flickered up to mine, trying to assess if it was really okay.

She nodded and leapt forward, enveloping me in a tight hug. I held back a laugh and patted her back, letting her know it was all okay now. But still I moved quickly out of the hug. I needed to be more careful now. We couldn't act like this in public. We couldn't be labelled. I wasn't going to get harassed. I wasn't going to be the next Kurt Hummel and neither was Brittany. No one would see anything from now on. We would only be best friend. That was it.

Or so I had hoped.

Kind of.

**Hope you liked it**! **Leave a review! **


	7. Be Still

Be Still

_Santana's POV_

It seemed like the world crashed down upon me, landing thousands of tons of weight against my chest as my words traveled across the room, bounced off the walls, propelled back at me, taunting me for the mistake I had just made. The mistake I kept making. It seemed like I was making this mistake every day. Every day, it hurt more. But I knew that no matter how much it hurt me the feeling was nothing compared to the pain that I was afflicting upon Brittany.

"_Leave me alone. _I'm not yours_. You can't control me._"

Brittany's normally bright and hopeful eyes transformed into a pair of foreign eyes which were quite the opposite. They were wary and dull, but mostly they seemed betrayed. Her lips which had just been slightly ajar closed as they pursed themselves tightly. A hard line was formed by them. But even though I knew she was trying to be strong and hide that the words had affected her, I could always see through. I knew her body like a cartographer knew a map. I had studied it, drawn on it, and explored it. I had been captive by it. There was nothing I knew more than it. With even a small quiver of her chin which passed within a second, I knew that I had hurt her deeply and it broke my heart.

"I know you're not mine, Santana." She emphasized the use of my full name with a pointed glare. "But you are my best friend and in that way you are mine. It's my job to protect you, to tell you what I see and know, and stop you from doing something which I know will hurt you, even if you won't admit it. Remember in fifth grade, when I was 'dating' that red-headed kid, Kyle? One day when we went out for recess and I saw him kiss another girl on top of the jungle gym. I ran and hid behind some bushes crying until you came and found me. You always found me…" Her eyes glazed over for a second before she shook her head violently, scolding the wall in front of her as if it were its fault that she had slipped up, even in her anger. My heart, for just a moment, felt light again, until her eyes returned back into two round balls of numbness.

She quickly continued on with her story, her voice more controlled, more distant. "You told me, "Forget him, B. Any boy who cheats on you is an idiot and doesn't deserve you. You're the hottest girl at this school. You're the best any guy can get and if he doesn't treasure you, you'll find someone who will." Remember that, San? Any boy who cheats is an idiot and doesn't deserve you! I may not be the brightest flower in the patch, but I know that those words are still true to this day." She took a quick ragged breath in, her strength diminishing.

"It's not the same, B." I crossed my arms, frustrated that she was throwing my words back in my face. And even more frustrated because those words were bashing down the walls of lies in my head, setting off a flashing sign telling me she was right.

_She's wrong._ I told myself. It's different now. We're not in sixth grade anymore. We didn't have to worry about popularity back then. Now everything's changed and you have to let things slide in order to stay at the top. You have to have the best, even if it hurts.

Brittany threw up her hands in exasperation, a bewildered look taking over her face. "_How_?" She shouted. "How is it different, Santana?"

I crossed my arms across my chest, straightening myself out, trying to gain some height on her. "We're not eleven anymore. Things have changed." I said, brushing her demand off.

Brittany mirrored my body stance, crossing her arms and straightening up, with the addition to raising a skeptic eyebrow. "Really? What's changed?" She pushed.

"God, Brittany, I don't know! How about everything? Everything has changed since then." I spat at her. My brown eyes burned against her unwavering ones, cursing them for not letting down. Her confidence was through the roof. Usually she would back down by now. She would let me win because she hated fighting.

"So cheating is okay now? Once you turn sixteen it is suddenly okay to cheat on your girlfriend?" She questioned me sarcastically. "So, if I began to date, let's say Finn, and you heard that he had slept with Rachel behind my back, you would say that it's okay? It's okay because things have changed?" She challenged me right there and then, knowing my mind as well as I knew my own. I would never allow anyone to hurt her. I would never allow her to be stepped on, abused, or used.

"Obviously it would be wrong because Rachel is an ugly troll compared to you," I smirked.

"I'm serious." Her jaw clenched as I side stepped her question.

"So am I. Have you seen her nose? She'd probably peck an eye out if she tried kissing someone," I snorted, leaning back against the desk behind me. If I couldn't fight her off, I would brush her off.

"Joke all you want. You know it's wrong. You know the second you heard someone was cheating on me you would 'ends' them." If I hadn't been so mad I would have smiled at her attempt at using my Lima Heights swag. "You would tell me I deserved better, wouldn't you?"

I shrugged, averting my gaze from her because I refused to let myself lie to her about something like that. She would deserve better. She deserved the best. No one would be good enough…

"You deserve better, San. You can't just keep going back to Puck—"

"Don't lecture me, Britt." I grumbled, pushing off of the desk. I turned quickly on my heels and headed to the classroom door. I was tired of getting this lecture from her. This was the exact reason I had yelled harshly at her earlier and I wasn't going to let myself do that again. If I stayed for another lecture, I knew I would blow up again.

I heard her heave a sigh as I stormed out of the classroom, running away from the truth. My feet continued to move, even after I heard a soft call from Brittany. I kept moving until I was out of the school, until I had crossed the parking lot, until I had come to a small park around the corner. There was a silence as all the younger children were still at school. I stopped at that park, sitting down on a bench beside a pond. Silence. I sighed contently. That was what I needed. There were no lies in the air, no stern suggestions, no gossips or quarrels, no flirtation comments or cat calls, and most of all no lectures…

I breathed in the clear air, letting my worries float away in it. _Let it go_, I told myself, _don't let things faze you_.

I knew Brittany was just trying to help me, but she didn't understand. She didn't understand how I needed to keep Puck. I needed him because he was at the top. Everyone was either scared of him or lusting after him. If I had him, I had power. I had social status. The minute I lost him I would just be one of those single Cheerios. I would be lost in the crowd of red and white hip swaying Cheerio skirts. Right now, Puck was my best option.

But I didn't understand why he cheated. I was hot. Since Quinn got knocked up she'd been MIA. I was at the top of the Cheerio pyramid. I was his best option. I kept him satisfied, didn't I?

My mind raced trying to find where I had gone wrong.

Last Tuesday.

Oh my gosh.

My mind flashed back suddenly.

_Puckerman was fumbling with a condom wrapper and the button of his jeans. Frustratingly trying to multitask. _

_I rolled my eyes. "You'd think you'd be better at that by now," I smirked, grabbing the wrapper from him and ripped it open with my teeth._

_Puck let out a relieved sigh, which came out sounding more like a grunt and practically broke the bottom off his jeans. Eager, much? _

_I leaned back over and worked his neck, keeping him squirming and breathy. _

I'm a slave for you_. The words rang painfully loud through Puck's stuffy room. The song acted as if it had some control and even ownership over my body and commanded it to stop touching Puck. I paused and pulled back, earning a loud groan from Puck as he was forced to put me down from his hips. He didn't do it to let me answer the phone though. He was quickly working on unzipping my Cheerio's skirt. _

_My eyes automatically shifted my attention to the phone though, searching for it through Puckerman's room. It was on his nightstand. _

I cannot hold it. I cannot control it._ The song continued._

_I held my breath, biting the inside of my cheek. That was the ringtone Brittany had set to sound every time she called. _

"_Come on, baby, just ignore it. She'll know you're busy," Puck mumbled, pulling me closer to try and kiss me. For a moment, I let him._

_Answer it, my mind screamed at me, longing to hear her voice. _

_Shut up! I tried fighting back. We were in the middle of something important. Brittany would be there when I'm done. _

_I shoved my lips hard against Puck's, trying to drown the music out, trying to drown my mind out. I should have turned off that damn phone. _

_Puck grinned what I knew was a wolfish grin as he realized I was ignoring the phone call. He took advantage of the moment and began quickly discarding the rest of our clothes. I mean quickly, like as in, it took him a matter of seconds. _

_The phone stopped ringing. Regretfully that didn't stop my mind from coming back to it. It actually intensified my need to grab the phone and call her back. She'll be worried. My chest tightened painfully because I knew she would and I was ignoring it anyways. _

_I'll call her back straight after. She knew I was away from the phone sometimes. I could have been in the shower for all she knew. _

_But what if it was an emergency? What if she needs you?_

_Damn it. I froze like a petrified animal in Narnia against Puck. I didn't breath, thoughts racing through my head. Scenarios began to overcome my mind of what could be happening with Brittany._

"_Are you okay?" He asked quickly, breathlessly. My eyes glanced at his seeing a flicker of concern flash through them. For a scumbag, he wasn't too bad sometimes, even if he was a sex-addicted moron. _

"_No." The word slipped through my lips so honestly and suddenly that I surprised myself. What was I doing? But my body obeyed whatever was taking over my voice and slipped away from Puck, putting distance between us. _

_Puck stared at me with a mixture of confusion and disappointment on his face. _

_I hurried across the room, grabbing my phone hastily. I was going to hate myself if something was wrong. _

"_Is that all? The phone call? Dude! I thought I hurt you," he grumbled, grabbing his boxers off the floor, angrily. I rolled my eyes, ignored the rest of his pissed off ranting and checked my phone messages._

_One new message. _

_I bit my cheek worriedly as I pressed the phone against my ear to list to the message. My stomach was clenching, making me feel sick. This wasn't normal… I shouldn't be so worried._

"_Hey San," I heard Brittany's gentle voice ring through the phone. "I guess you're busy right now. I was just calling to see if you wanted to watch Lady and the Tramp with me and, you know, maybe snuggle… I'm feeling kind of blah today and…" Pause. "I miss you." Click. _

_It was sort of funny, I thought to myself in that moment, because from just hearing that message my body felt alive and a thousand times warmer than it just had with Puck. _

"_You're going to her, aren't you?" He asked, plumping himself down in the bed, already knowing the answer. _

"_It's an emergency," I mumbled, trying to convince him, and maybe myself, that I was not whipped. I wasn't so whipped that I would stop having sex with my boyfriend to check a message on my phone… Whatever. I wasn't. _

_I ignored Puckerman's comments about the emergency in his pants and quickly pulled my clothes back on. _

"_Sorry," I threw over my shoulder as I opened his bedroom door and quickly headed out to Brittany's. _

Wow… Smooth, Santana. Run out on your boyfriend so you can watch a movie with your best friend. No wonder he went somewhere else for satisfaction. It was probably that night. I bet if I asked around it would have been that night… Puck wasn't one for waiting around… or being loyal for that matter.

I was so stupid sometimes… I don't even know why I had left to go to Brittany's. Sometimes it was just like I couldn't control myself with her. I just had to give in to her. With every look she gave me, I longed for another. With every touch we shared, I was desperate for another. With every kiss we traded, I lusted for more. Why did she always do that to me? Those thoughts and feelings –

_Feelings_. My whole body froze on the cold metal bench I had situated myself on.

I didn't have feelings for her. Not like…love feelings for her. No. She was a girl. She was my best friend. I only cared for her. That was all. I felt the need to make sure she was okay. Nothing more, nothing less.

My hands clenched in fists as my bull shit radar went off in my head. I had to stop whatever was happening with Brittany. I had to force myself to get out of whatever hold I had been taken into with her. I had to put up boundaries if I was going to be able to stay with Puck—or any guy for that matter— and still be best friends with Brittany. Brittany could not have the majority of my time.

She could not!

She wasn't my….my….girlfriend. She was my best friend.

Those were the only feelings I had for her. I was just overly concerned for her. It came with being friends with her for such a long time. We hadn't had anyone else before high school and I had just familiarized with her and it had become a normalcy to put her first. I just had to grow up and push that away.

_Run from the feelings_, a voice that sounded extremely close to Brittany's whispered to my mind.

My body jumped in terror as I felt a hand on my thigh. My head whipped wildly to the side and my eyes met a pair of overly familiar deep blue ones. Brittany.

The voice hadn't been in my head. It was her voice. I had been too sucked into my thoughts to notice her beside me.

How had she known what I was thinking? She had responded to my thoughts?

My eyes blinked, confused. "What?"

Brittany turned silent but gave me a knowing look as if to say, "You know what I said, San." I gulped audibly, wondering if she was actually able to read what I had been thinking. She had understood it. But…I didn't actually have feelings like that for her. So, I wasn't running. I was just coming to see that things had to change from the past. That our friendship had become a needy attachment and it was very unhealthy for the both of us.

She rested her head on my shoulder and I flinched. My mind forcing my body to be defensive against the natural feeling it was overcome with whenever she touched me. I was about to push away before the feeling clouded my mind so heavily that I wouldn't be able to think clearly, but she stopped me, grabbing the crook of my elbow gently.

"Stop, San," she whispered. "Just...be still for a moment." Her thumb tenderly caressed my arm, stroking back and forth in a slow, but stable pattern, not wavering for even a second.

I stayed still, not wanting to fight with her. I wouldn't let my mind be fogged by her presence, though. My mind was scrambling for a way to win Puck back and set put some boundaries or some rules for Brittany and my relationship. Friendship, I quickly corrected myself. Friendship.

"Stop," Brittany murmured, pulling up from my shoulder to gaze into my eyes. Her free hand rose and softly rubbed the worry lines that had developed on my forehead.

I listened to her for a second, meeting her eyes. They bore into me like I was suddenly sucked into a black hole and I was fighting for an escape from it. I panicked. Boundaries. Rules. Don't let her take over. My head quickly turned to look at the small ripples in the pound.

Brittany sighed sadly and rested her head on my shoulder again. "Can I say something?" She asked politely.

"Don't ask me stuff like that," I grumbled, hating to think that I was forcing her to ask permission to speak freely. It was a free country for god's sake, she could say whatever the hell she wanted, whether I liked it or not. I would just walk away if I didn't like it or speak freely back at her.

"Any time I get a boyfriend, sleep with a guy or even just make out with one, you tell me I can do better. You always say I deserve the best, not to fool around with a bunch of douche bags. You tell me to wait for the person who will remember the important things, cherish the small things and love everything, even imperfections, about me. You always remind me that I'm special," she concluded, staring out into the pond thoughtfully. I could almost see a wistful look in her eyes.

"You are special, B." I replied easily.

"So are you."

My heart beat picked up against my will, starting to race through my chest as if it were racehorse training for the Kentucky Derby. I held my breath, hoping to slow it down before her ear pressed against my shoulder would catch the quickened beat. Her grip on my arm tightened, only a bit and only for a fraction of a second, but that told me she heard it.

"I know you really want Puck because he makes you feel special. He helps you feel popular and better than the rest of the school, but he's a jerk. You don't need him to rule the school. No one would mess with you. If they did, you would teach them a thing or two about pain Lima Heights style, and they'd run home screaming for their mommies." She chuckled fondly and I smiled timid in return. I knew she was right. I wouldn't let anyone bring me down with or without Puck's assistance.

"The best ones are worth waiting for, Santana," she promised me. The words came out of her mouth as if it were an old cherished message written on a paper with worn creases caused by it being folded and refolded too many times to count. The words fell off her lips perfectly with a forceful meaning behind it.

Silence began to surround us, embrace us and engulf us. My mind chewed hungrily and desperately on her words, trying to decipher them, as if the meaning weren't as simple as it sounded, as if it were a double-sided comment.

Maybe she was just saying that I should dump Puck and wait for Mr. Perfect, whom I didn't believe in. There weren't be a guy for me like that. I just couldn't ever bring myself to tell Brittany that the Disney movies were lies and there was no such thing as true love or happily ever afters. People settled. People settled for security, compatibility and comfort, not because they were head over heels in love and knew they would live happily ever after with each other. But who knows, maybe Brittany would find that true love. If anyone deserved it, she did.

But I wouldn't find that guy, so why wait? Why not stay with Puck? Why not move onto the next football player? I wasn't going to wait around for something that wasn't real. I was in high school. I would play the field. I would have fun before it was too late and I had to settle or be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Bachelors always seem to be having fun. I could be a bachelorette for life. A powerful, accomplished business lady who has steamy affairs on the side seemed like an okay life.

"Stop running… Sometimes you have to stop running and hiding and just be still. Just feel. Stop everything else, be still and feel, Santana. That's when you'll know what to do. Follow your heart." Brittany's words came over me like a hushed lullaby and her lips pressed finality and clarity against my shoulder with a warm kiss.

_Stop running from me and be still_, the words were whispered into my mind in the sweet voice which had entered it early: Brittany's.

Tears clouded my eyes and I turned my head to return the message with a kiss on the top of her head: _Wait for me._

With a nod of her head, all went still in the world around us.

**Hope you liked it! Leave a review!**


	8. Presents

**Author's Note: It's been a long time, but it is the Christmas Season, so I thought I'd write up a one shot. This was originally started by the prompt word Presents, but I kind of got carried away. Some is merry and some is sad. I hope you guys enjoy it! **

Presents

Snow fluttered down from the sky like graceful ballerinas rehearsing for this year's rendition of the Nut Cracker. As they landed, they formed a blanket of white glitter across the empty fields of grass. The beauty of winter was always so irresistible to me. Ever since I was a little girl I would sit outside and watch as the snow came falling down, bringing new light to the dreary winter atmosphere. I loved to look out when it got dark and the Christmas lights which were scatter across all the street in Lima sparkled and reflected off the falling snow. Everything was just beautified times one thousand. It was memorizing. I could have stayed out here forever.

I felt like I was in a snow globe and someone was shaking my world. But with the beauty of the snow, I could feel the quaking of my heart. Christmas was always such a happy time. I loved the Christmas carols. I loved the lights and the candy. I loved every silly Christmas cartoon. Everything was so...joyful around Christmas.

Yet, this year, I didn't feel any joy.

My heart squeezed in my chest and I closed my eyes, shutting out the dazzling sight of snowfall. I knew the reason why I was so sad. Christmas wasn't about the beautiful winter season or the great presents. It's about spending it with the ones you loved.

And here I was, a blonde beauty, laying alone in the snow on Christmas Eve night. Where were the ones I loved? The _one_ I loved.

_Gone._

**Flashback. Two years earlier. **

"B!" Santana squealed like a five year old. She flipped and flopped around on my bed, dodging and jumping at any chance to get away from my attacking fingers. "Britt!" She screamed again, tears trickling down her tanned cheek.

"Say it!" I told her, stalling my fingers in the air.

I wriggled them threateningly and Santana pursed her lips. Her jaw set and I watched her laughing eyes turn into a rock of pure stubbornness.

"I will not tell you your Christmas gift," she stated firmly, pointing a finger at me for emphasis.

I quirked my eyebrow, "Really?"

I saw the normally fearless eyes of Santana flicker to mine, uncertain. I held back my grin because my heart flew in excitement and exhilaration – much like Cupid would feel on Valentine's Day - the moment her eyes connected with mine. I imagined this was what Cupid felt like every year when Valentine's Day finally arrived. It was about the waiting and the anticipation of the special moment. No, it wasn't because of her eyes' chocolatey goodness, which made me feel like I was drowning in a pot of fondue and happiness. It was because they were the real Santana's eyes. There were no walls constructed with anger and lined with deceiving lies. There were no defensive guards holding guns filled with malicious words or empty promises. It was just _Santana's_ eyes. It was like walking inside a cathedral and seeing the beautiful tapestry drew across the ceilings and stain glass windows. The outside was colossal and great, but the real beautiful parts where inside. They were reserved for the people who are special enough to receive permission to enter.

Santana noticed me staring and put down her defensive hands and tilted her head. "What?"

I ducked my head bashfully. "Nothing."

Santana snorted and slide downwards on the bed so her head was aligned with my bowed head. She pushed the veil of hair that was covering my face to the side and peaked inside. "You looked at me like I was a newborn puppy," she smiled. Her eyes sparkled like the Christmas lights on our holiday tree.

I shrugged, nonchalant. "Well, you're just about as cute as one, so..."

Santana let out a burst of air that blew my hair up at my face. Her silence made me grin. I called it an accomplishment. Seriously. Have you made Santana Lopez speechless? Doubt it. _Maybe_ breathless – lots of the guys did, I knew that – but not speechless.

With my legs on either sides of her waist, I straddled her lap, leaning back against her lifted knees, using her as a makeshift chair.

"Why won't you tell me what my present is?" I pouted, looking up at my ceiling sadly. I loved Christmas, but during the time between Christmas Eve Night and Christmas morning was always so _long_. I just wanted to know my gifts now. Patience was not a virtue at Christmas time.

Santana peered at me for a long moment before replying, "Because you love opening the gift and having it be a complete surprise."

I chewed on that for second. It was true, but I loved hearing the surprises just as much.

"I'll have other ones to open," I said.

"But mine will be the best one to open. I couldn't ruin that for you."

I huffed and leaned back down, pressing my forehead to hers. Her head was warm and made me want to cuddle her, but I held back. As always.

"Can I at least have a clue?" I wondered, wiggling my nose against hers.

"Well, I can't say no more than once, so I guess so," she said in fake frustration.

She sat up and pressed her back against the wooden headboard of my bed. Santana put one single finger up in the air and I knew instantly what to do.

"One word," I declared.

Santana nodded proudly. I loved this game. She pointed towards her chest, forcing my eyes to glue onto her tight tank top.

I pondered for a second before easily replying, "Sexy time clothes?"

She threw back her head with a laugh and I couldn't help returning it.

"No, but now I'm regretting it," Santana chuckled, poking at my stomach. The tops of her cheeks had tinted the slightest bit pink.

I rolled my eyes and singled for her to go again. I was going to get this.

She pressed her hand toward her chest again. She waited a minute and then pointed to her neck.

I pressed my lips tightly together and sighed. This was hard. I had no idea. Chest to neck. Neck to chest. Neck chest. Chest neck. What kind of present was that?

After a long minute of silence, Santana jumped off the bed and scurried over to her overnight bed in the corner of the room. I always laughed at it because it really wasn't a 'stay overnight bag'. It never left my bedroom. Whenever we'd go shopping, she'd always buy a new outfit for the bag. It was more like a dresser. It was always getting fuller and it stayed right there, becoming a piece of my room's furniture. To me, it made the room complete. Everything felt off of proportion when Santana didn't have a stray sock or an extra cheer skirt lying beside that bag.

Santana rumbled threw it for a moment before coming back to the bed. Her eyes were dancing and it made my heart hurry. It was going to be exciting and I knew it.

Santana grabbed my hand with her smaller one and smiled. "You can open it now, if you want to."

My jaw dropped. My parents had never let me have a present early before. They always said Santa came too late on Christmas Eve for me to have an early gift. The presents would be under the tree in the morning, they'd assure me.

"Really?" I whispered, wide eyed.

"Really," Santana grinned, giving my hand a squeeze. She took her free hand and pulled it out something small from behind her back. I squinted in the dimly lit room. It was a small box wrapped tightly in blue wrapping paper. As I peered closer, I could see small dancing ducks drew onto the wrapping paper.

I giggled and took it from her hands, "Dancing ducks."

It was her turn to drop her head bashfully. I could see her softly gnawing at her bottom lip with her teeth.

"I love it," I whispered, pecking her cheek. She was adorable.

Santana shook her head, looking up at me with those same brown twinkling eyes. "You haven't even opened it, goof."

I rolled my eyes and lifted a loose tab of the paper. Like every Christmas, I felt the exhilaration of opening that first gift. My heart thudded against my chest in a way it never had before. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes in a slight moment of panic. I knew sometimes hearts had attacks when they loved too much, and right now I loved Santana a real lot and my heart was beating harder than ever. I hoped I wouldn't die before Christmas.

I slipped the wrapping off carefully, hoping to preserve the adorable duckies. Once the wrapping was safely on the bed beside me, my fingers ran gently over the black box. It was soft. Suddenly, I was afraid to open it. My eyes lifted to Santana's. "Should you be on the ground on one knee offering me this?" I asked before cracking the lid open.

Santana's eyes snapped to mine in seer panic. It was only a fraction of a second and then her eyes softened. She shook her head. "No, I do like you, B, but I don't feel as if I should put a ring on it just yet."

"Nicely said, Beyonce," I smiled smoothly, but internally my whole body felt like a mess. _No, I do like you_, echoed like my favourite song on repeat. I knew I wouldn't be able to get rid of it for weeks.

I looked down at the small box and smiled. I didn't know exactly what it was, but I was already feeling like this was the best Christmas Eve of my life.

**One Year from Present**

Gently, I fingered the golden chain around my neck. The heart dangled, bumping delicately against my chest as I rocked to the beat of the Christmas music playing through the radio. It had been a year since Santana had given me this necklace. Man, had it been a _long_ year. A hard year.

After Artie. After Karofsky. After Finn outing Santana. After Santana's fight with her grandma. After her eyes losing their spark for months. After all the ups and downs of being a lesbian and bi-sexual girl in Lima, Ohio. It had been a tough year and I was so glad it coming to the end of it.

But here we were. We had made it through. Mostly importantly, _she_ had made it through.

I leaned into the over-cushioned sofa, watching my _girlfriend_, Santana, playing Monopoly with my little sister. I watched her intently as she rolled the dice. Her lips were in a wide grin as she proudly landed in a safe spot on the board. Surprisingly, my sister and Santana could go on for hours playing games. They were both competitive and loved winning, though. I had learned I was a fantastic peacekeeper. Mostly because if I heard a fight about who won, I'd just give Santana a couple flirtatious blinks of my eyes and then stroll off to the bedroom. She'd follow quickly, guaranteed. She'd call it victory sex. And I wouldn't disagree. Worked like a charm.

"San," I murmured, picking at the zipper of my jacket.

"Mhmm?" Santana hummed. I could tell without looking that she wasn't looking either. She was into her game.

"Can we watch a movie?" I asked, knowing Chelsea had to go to bed before the parents came down and warned her about Santa knowing if she was asleep or not. And time moved faster when we watched movies and I always wanted time to move faster on Christmas Eve. Who didn't?

"Want to call it a tie?" I heard Santana ask Chelsea.

There was a hesitance in the air and I sighed. Chelsea wanted to be the winner.

"Chels, Santa will know if you're being naughty or nice, you know?" I reminded her cleverly. It always worked on me when I was younger, no matter how many times my parents warned me.

"_Fine_," she said with pure exasperation. I think Santana was rubbing off on her.

"Want to pick a movie while we clean up, B?" Santana suggested.

"Yep!" I replied, all too willing. After an hour of monopoly feuding, I was beyond willing. Don't get me wrong, I loved watching them squabble, but I loved cuddling with my Latino beauty a thousand times more, especially on Christmas Eve.

I flicked through the movies on TV. It wasn't hard to find a Christmas movie because that was basically everything that was on TV at the moment.

"It's a Wonderful Life, good?" I asked as Santana put the last monopoly bill into the case.

Chelsea mumbled, "Rudolf's _way_ better."

"I'm down," Santana said and plopped down on the other side of the sofa.

My eyebrows instantly, without any thought, rose, curious. Distance was not really Santana thing.

Santana snorted, "Well, I was giving Chelsea some time before I started making sweet love to you on this beautiful Christmas Eve, but I guess if you don't mind us scarring your innocent sister, neither do I," Santana said, flashing me a wicked smile. She turned in her seat, leaped playfully on top of me and nuzzled my neck affectionately.

"Ew. Ew. _Eww!_" Chelsea exclaimed, huffing and puffing her way over to the couch. She grabbed a pillow and threw it at Santana's head. "You are so gross."

"Ten seconds and our clothes are off!" Santana warned her, grabbing at the hem of my pajama shirt.

My fingers twisted around hers, helping her lift my shirt an inch.

"Oh my gosh! I'm only ten! _Mom!_" Chelsea screamed. I could hear her feet pitter-pattering up the stairs. A door slammed shut and Santana laughed into me neck.

"Works every time," Santana said triumphantly, sitting up.

"Hey," I murmured, reaching up.

I didn't have to ask twice.

Wordlessly, Santana leaned back down and pressed her lips gently against mine. It was chaste and only lasted a few seconds, but I knew that in that single kiss I felt more love than I had ever felt from any boy.

Santana sighed gently against my lips, "I love you."

"Love you more," I promised, pulling her down to lay on top of me. My arms wrapped loosely around her waist and she rested her head gently on my collarbone. She was never too close.

Excluding the sounds of our synchronized breathing, and witty comments, we were mostly silent for the movie. It was longer than I remembered and my eyes were drooping shut by the end.

When I was about to fall asleep, I heard Santana's whispering voice, "I wondered what it would have all been like."

I shifted, waking up a bit more. "What?"

Santana pulled her head up, resting her chin on my chest. "What life would have been like if I never met you."

My tired eyes awakened as I saw the sincerity in her eyes. I reached up and brushed her hair to the side, tucking it behind her ear. "That's a deep question for midnight," I laughed softly, getting a bit lost in my thoughts. Could I even imagine a life without Santana? Since the moment I had met her, we had been inseparable. Even when we were fighting, we were together. Everything just felt so wrong when she was absent from my life. I didn't dare think of what things I been like without her. What I would have been like without her.

Santana nodded in agreement, pressing a kiss to the place right above my heart. Her warm lips burned through my chest and awakened my heart, making it race. Santana noticed the change of rhythm and a small smile graced her lips.

"I know I wouldn't smile as much. I wouldn't laugh so much," I started. Santana was the funniest person I had ever met. She could make anything funny, even things that would normally make me frown. "I definitely wouldn't be at Breadstix so often."

Santana chuckled and nodded. "Sue would probably prefer we didn't."

"Carbs," I rolled my eyes. Thankfully, we had both been blessed with kickass bodies and it didn't really affect us at all.

"I wouldn't believe in myself so much..." I whispered, remembering the day I had been elected Student Class President. I would have never gotten to be in that election without her encouragement. I wouldn't have discovered how unicorn-like I really was.

"I wouldn't feel like..." I paused. My eyes met hers and I shook my head, grinning like a complete idiot. "I wouldn't feel like this." I grabbed Santana's hand and placed it against my beating heart. It was racing the Kentucky Derby at the moment.

"B," Santana whispered.

"San?" I whispered back.

"I don't even think I would have made it here without you." Santana's voice broke midsentence and my body instantly sat up. "You know when he was standing there on the bridge, freezing, wondering whether life is worth it or not?"

I nodded, silent. My grips instinctively wrapped around hers.

"I think I would have been in that place without you. I...I remember when I was starting high school and all the girls were gossiping about boys and about dating the captain of the football team, I kind of just sat there. I knew that was a cheerleader dream. That was my dream. I was a cheerleader, right?" Santana shook her head and I saw her eyes cloud. "No... I didn't feel it, Britt. I never could. I tried so hard. I think in my head, I was on that bridge. I was there. I didn't get _it_. Life didn't make sense and I never wanted to smile. I just wanted to disappear..." Her voice faded off.

I leaned forward and her forehead met mine half way.

"But...you..._you_... I just got it when you danced your way into my life. I didn't know what _it_ was, but I understood. I was smiling. Always smiling. You caused my cheeks a huge amount of pain from all those grins," Santana grinned, swooping in for a quick peck.

"I could say the same thing to you," I said, wiping a tear off her cheek.

Santana nodded. "I know. I'm hilarious."

I snorted.

Santana inhaled deeply, bracing herself. "I think you gave me the perfect gift this year."

I frowned for a second because I hadn't given her my gift yet and she was saying she already had the perfect one, but then I waited for her response.

"You have me a _wonderful_ life," Santana told me. Then I snorted and rolled her eyes, "That sounded cheesy when I said it out loud."

I shook my head, quickly. "No. It sounded perfect."

Her eyes held mine and mine held hers. When you run out of words, sometimes actions can speak a thousand times greater. Her lips molded perfectly to mine. And I knew, I knew for certain, that with this girl, I would have the most wonderful life.

**Present Day**

_We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years, _the Christmas music blasting from my neighbours' house, mocking me.

I was numb in the snow, but the one thing I knew for sure was this was not a merry Christmas and I knew it wouldn't be a happy new year.

I had ruined it all. Two years straight of pure happiness, ups and downs couldn't even tarnish our love. Then, finally, it did. Young love never lasts, they say. They, whoever they are, were right.

No. No, they weren't. Love lasts forever. Relationships don't.

Looks, touches, locations, words, they change. But the feeling. That perfect, complete, fulfilling feeling of love, it was forever. If you truly loved a person, you would _always_ love that person.

But when you love a person forever and they're gone, that love doesn't feel so fulfilling anymore. It just leaves you with an empty aching feeling.

"Forever and always," I whispered as my freezing fingers gripped my gold necklace.

Everything had happened so quickly this year. It was September and we were so in love. We had so many hopes and dreams. We had a plan to make it through the lonely days. We had made promises and commitments. We were on fire and passionate. We were so certain that we would make it through this year of commitment.

After a couple months, every promise and commitment had dissipated. The Skype calls were shorter. The visits were scarcer. Santana's eyes were duller. And my heart was feeling lonelier than ever. From the beginning of September to the end of October, the love I thought was infinite was diminishing before my eyes.

Santana broke up with me. She had seen it as well. I knew she said she was doing it because it was the best for us. It was the mature thing, she had said. My mind had screamed because I didn't care about being mature. All I cared about was her.

Then, I had thought things were over.

But we still Skyped. We texted. She visited. She visited more than ever and I knew it was because her heart strings were being plucked to the same lonely love song as mine were.

But I felt so alone when she was away. She wasn't my girlfriend and without that promise everything felt wrong. And things started going the wrong way.

I kissed Sam.

I went out on a date with Sam. On date night. At Breadstix. Desperate and stupid, right?

I didn't stop there, though. I kept letting things happen with him. Everything went so quickly and my head was spinning. He was asking me to marry him – because the world was supposed to end. I said yes, because Santana wasn't there and I didn't know if I'd have a tomorrow. Then I did, and he was there. It wasn't a real marriage but my heart aching. My mind kept telling me I was betraying her.

I knew because I wasn't telling her. I was hiding it and you only hide things you're ashamed of. I had made a mistake. So many mistakes with him. I knew the moment she found out, she would be heartbroken. She acted like a badass. Like someone who couldn't be broken. But I knew she wasn't and I knew this would break her.

And I couldn't take that. She loved me so much that she broke things off to make me happier. And here I was, only thinking about myself.

I could never think of myself without Santana and not make a mistake. She gave me rational thought. She put me on the right path. She helped me find my way. And right here, right now, freezing in the thick snow, I felt so lost.

The crunch of snow, made me jump. I almost bolted, uncertain of what creeps wondered the streets on Christmas Eve, but my body froze.

The sound of the footsteps squeezed my heart like a stress ball. I would know that rhythm from anywhere. I closed my eyes tightly and I let my head settle back into the snow. My mind was so desperate for her presence. My heart longed. My mind craved and like a druggy in withdrawal my mind was anything but straight. My mind knew what would make things better: If only I could imagine her here, that was enough...

"B," the single letter phrase that haunted my everyday trailed across the winter air into my ear and I whimpered against it. I needed her so badly.

"Santana," I murmured back, holding the heart necklace as if it were my lifeline.

Hell, it was.

She had told me that first Christmas that she giving me it to protect. She had said, "_Brittany, you're my best friend, and you're the only one I can trust with this. Will you promise me you won't let me break it?_"

It turned out that I was the one to break it for her.

"What are you doing out here? It's freezing!" I heard Santana ask me.

"Waiting for Santa to run over me with his reindeer. I heard on the news or something he did that once. To a grandma, I think," I mumbled. My eyes were shut so tightly that they throbbed, but I refused to open them and ruin this moment. Imaginary or not.

I heard a quiet snort and my lips tilted upwards. "That was from a song, Brittany."

"Songs are usually about real things," I told her matter-of-factly.

"True, very true," she hummed, thoughtful.

There was silence. It was a long silence. My mind began to become frantic, wondering if my vision was over. My eyes cracked open, peeking to see if I could see her or not.

A gasp broke through the silent air. A dark silhouette towered over me. Goosebumps rose on every part of my body. Had a stranger heard me talking aloud?

"Do you mind if we go inside? My butt feels like it's on the verge of falling off and I need that thing. I'll lose my place on the cheer team if I don't have that." Santana. It was still Santana.

Confusion wrecked over me. Was I seeing and hearing things now? Was I giving a voice to a random stranger?

I sat up, very carefully. I wondered if I had hit my head at some point. Did concussions do things like this? Maybe I had drank the wrong eggnog and I was just _really_ drunk.

I doubted that. I would have tasted it...

The street light flickered and the darkened stranger was suddenly lit up.

My body froze in pure fear. That. That was Santana.

"Oh my gosh," I whispered, terrified. I was losing it. I was losing it on Christmas Eve. I would be in a padded room by Christmas Morning, drawing unicorns and dragons on cushioned walls. My breath started to hasten.

"Brittany!" Pretend-Santana said loudly, dropping to the ground. Her gloved hand cradled my cheek. "Are you okay? We need to get you inside. You might be getting sick."

"Why are you here?" I breathed.

Pretend-Santana's eyes were liquid chocolate and she looked down at the crushed snow beside my feet. She took a deep breath, "You never called. And...I just couldn't sit in my dorm any longer. I...Christmas is just..._I don't know, Brittany_..." She rambled on in frustration. "I just got in my car and landed up at your front door."

I sighed, hard. "I know you're not real. You don't have to pretend for my sake." I kind half wishing she'd stay, half wishing she'd leave. I needed Santana, but I didn't want a pretend Santana.

"Kay. Inside. Something is weird." I heard authoritative Santana surfacing in my vision.

I obliged her because she wasn't disappearing. I stumbled up and walked slowly down the abandoned, snow covered road. Pretend-Santana matched my steps beside me, keeping perfect stride, even with shorter legs. Just like real Santana always did.

My heart swelled in my chest. Real or not, she was perfect.

Santana hurried ahead and opened the front door of my house for me. Her eyes looked panicky like when I had the flu that one time.

"I'm not sick," I told her. I felt fine. Other than seeing a vision, I mean.

Santana dropped the duffle bag I hadn't noticed she had been carrying. Why would pretend Santana need a suitcase? I wondered if it was some subconscious symbolism or something.

"You don't think I'm real, which convinces me something is wrong," Santana stated, navigating me to one of the couches in my living.

"I don't _think_ you're not real. I _know_ you're not real," I corrected Pretend-Santana.

Her eyebrow quirked as she sat me down. "I'm real, I promise."

I nodded and hummed in fake agreement, practically giving her a sarcastic _mhmm_. My head felt really tired against the couch cushions.

Pretend-Santana huffed in obvious frustration. She started mumbling to herself in Spanish, as real Santana always does when she's super irritated.

Her eyes suddenly snapped to mine and her jaw set in determination. "Brittany, it's me. Why the hell wouldn't it be me? I'm always here for Christmas."

I let out a soft breath, ignoring the vision. I didn't want to talk about that. I just wanted to sleep now. The warmth of inside was making me so sleepy.

"Don't you dare!" Santana warned me. I felt a pinch on my leg and jumped. Her eyes were sharp and her persistent attitude made me feel as if the real Santana were right there. "I came all the way from Louisville to see my girlfriend—" her voice stopped suddenly and she cleared her throat. "To see you."

My eyes squinted. Pretend-Santana would be the Santana I wanted to imagine. I would want pretend-Santana to call me her girlfriend. Why did she correct herself? Was...Was she...? Oh my God.

My body was up and off of the couch in a matter of seconds. "Why are you here?" I whispered quickly, my eyes whipped wildly from her to the front bay window, seeing her car in the driveway. I couldn't believe I just did that.

Santana shook her head, but she didn't look so mad anymore. "I told you, I waited for your call and you never called, so I just came."

My heart strings played a beautiful melody to my mind as I stared into her endearing eyes. They were so open. They were so trusting of me and I had hurt her. Betrayed her.

Santana must have seen the dangerous storm in my eyes because she coaxed me down onto the coach and kneeled in front of me. Her warm hands rubbed up and down my thighs, but her eyes avoided mine suddenly, staring instead at the thick teal carpet.

"Sugar called me," Santana mumbled. She shook her head gently. "She told me about you and Sam."

My breath caught and I grabbed her hand suddenly, feeling the need to defend myself, to deny every word of it. "No, no, I-"

I wasn't able to finish without Santana putting an index finger against my trembling lips.

Her lips pressed tightly together. I would see behind the ocean of acceptance and tower of calm, that there was a pile of pain in the corner of her eyes. She couldn't hide it from me and it made my stomach turn. "_Brittany, you're my best friend, and you're the only one I can trust with this. Will you promise me you won't let me break it?_" I broke my promise to her.

"Don't, B," Real-Santana whispered. "It's okay."

She stood. For a moment of sincere fear and terror, I thought she was going to walk out, but she only grabbed something out of the bag and walked back to me.

"Can I tell you something? Just listen until I'm done," she asked me and my heart fell. Here it comes. The guilt for betraying her.

I nodded because I deserved it after everything I had done.

Santana took a deep breath and then gave herself a nod of finality. "Brittany, I know we've had a long few months. The beginning of the year was tough for us. We had our ups and downs. We had to split up. And that's okay. I know that. You know that. We needed to. The distance of an official relationship and responsibilities were killing us both. And...I know since that things have changed." Here it is. I stiffened and held back my stinging tears. "You had feelings for Sam. I flirted with other girls. We both said things. We both did things. We did things as separate people, Santana and Brittany. Not...Brittany and Santana together... And that's okay." She said. Her thumbs caressed my legs and I shook my head.

It wasn't okay.

"Yes, B," she assured me, sitting up straighter and closer, pressing her chest against my knees. "Remember when we said we were taking a break, we said it's okay to date other people. So it's okay."

I shook my head defiantly, "We were just saying that."

Santana sighed sadly and her hands reached up to cradled my face between them. "Do you still love me, Brittany?" She asked.

My eyes met hers intensely. "More than anyone in the world."

Whether she wanted me to see it or not, I saw her relax. It looked like fifty pounds had been removed from her shoulders.

"Then nothing that happened matters," she assured me.

"I slept with him."

Santana's fingers tensed on my face for a moment and then they relaxed. Her eyes searched mine. I knew she was struggling. I could see the hidden caverns of her heart in her eyes.

"I hurt you."

She chewed her lips and all I wanted to do was kiss away the pain. But I didn't deserve it.

"It's okay, B," she breathed. I could hardly hear her. "It's all okay, I promise."

"It's not—"

"I love you," she said bluntly, loudly. Her head shook and her chin quivered. "And I know things are complicated. We've always been complicated. It took two years of us being in love to admit it. We had a year. A blissful year before life kicked us in the ass. We had a fall. We experienced life. We're supposed to. I think we needed to go through that part so we could be even better the next time we got together. Does that make sense?" She asked me, hoping desperately I understood.

"Brittana 2.0," I smiled sadly.

Santana laughed and nodded. "Brittana 2.0."

I rested my hands over hers and her thumbs stroked tenderly into my cheeks. "Your heart's okay?"

Santana tilted her head, curious. "Why are you asking me? You're the one holding it." Her eyes flickered to the golden heart on my neck. "How's it feel?"

I closed my eyes, "Warm."

I felt a pressure against my lips and returned it. My eyes squeezed tightly, feeling the overwhelming sense of forgiveness. My lips were hard against hers and my hands grabbed her neck, pulling her closer. It took a second to switch from chaste to passion. I had her pulled up, straddling my thighs. She teased my lips, her tongue begging for entrance. I smiled and happily granted her it. I needed it. I had been craving it for so long now. She deepened the kiss, moving her hands off of my cheeks to wrap tightly around my neck. Our tongues danced to their feverous tango. I didn't need to relearn her mouth because I knew it better than I knew my own. I knew what would make her shiver. I knew what would make her giggle.

After a bit, I pulled out of the kiss, needing to breathe because it all felt like a dream. I moved down to her neck. I nipped at it, moving my hands off of her neck to scrape my nails softly down her back. She shivered at my touch.

Her lips stumbled against my face as she pulled away from me. She hesitated, pecking my lips, slowly trying to get away from them. "Wait, wait," she said, trying to catch her breath. "I have something for you. A Christmas present."

Her heavy breath was all I could concentrate on, I just nodded along with whatever she had said.

She pried herself off my lap and went back on the ground, picking something up off the carpet. It must have been what she grabbed from her bag.

She took a deep breath. Her eyes weren't as confident as a moment ago. They were timid and reminded me of our first days... The days at our lockers. When we met. When we'd exchange smiles and giddy glances. When she told me she loved me. When we were caught kissing.

"Brittany S. Pierce, I know we've had our struggles, but I also know that our love is legendary. I know that our grandchildren will tell their grandchildren about our love. And yes, it will be a while before we're at children, let alone grandchildren, but one thing I know for sure is that we'll be together... forever. Every day in Louisville, struggling, missing you, proved to me that there will never be a day I'll really love someone else. I see this so much clearer now, Britt."

She paused and her eyes met mine with a fiery passion. A renewed confidence. A love that burned brighter than the sun. "My gift to you...Brittany is..." She opened a small box, much like the one my necklace had come in two years ago. Two promise rings sat side of side in the box. Both silver. Both shaped as the infinity symbol. "Forever. Would you give me that as well?"

My breath was caught in my throat and my words had been lost half way through her speech. I stared with wide eyes.

Santana's eyes searched mine.

"B?"

I was so frozen. She has just given me forever. Twenty minutes ago I thought she was an illusion. I thought she hated me. I thought I had broken her heart. I thought I had lost her forever.

"I...You...Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes, San, yes," I stumbled desperately, grabbing her hand tightly.

Her eyes lit up like the stars and she grabbed the first ring, slipping it on my engagement finger. The promise of forever.

I took the next ring and cradled her hand in mine, gently slipping the ring on her finger. My heart was beating faster than I had ever experienced. This was way faster than the first time we kissed, or slept together, or said our 'I love you's. This was... This was forever.

"Is Chelsea here or can we?" Santana's eyes flickered to the couch and my lips stretched into the widest grin.

"No one's home tonight."

Santana's eyes met mine. She was as sexy and beautiful as I had ever seen. "We have _all_ night?"

"No, San, we have forever."

**Author's Note: And they lived happily ever after because I am not Ryan Murphy, and I believe that is how it should go. Screw the Mayan Apocalypse and all that crap. Hope you liked it! Leave me a review so I know whatcha thought!**


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